


District Nine

by Spriingflower



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Angst and Tragedy, M/M, Post-Apocalypse, district 9 (music video), kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-10-25 19:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17730923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spriingflower/pseuds/Spriingflower
Summary: District Nine is their home yet they never felt like they belonged there. They are the ones that don't fit in with the systems. Those that can't and won't assimilate. They are the resistance and they want to get out of this place. Out from the system that they have never really been a part of. The most important rule of the resistance: we make it out of here, together, it's nine or none.





	1. Prologue - NOT!

**Author's Note:**

> There are a couple of things you should know before going into this story:  
> 1\. This is a translation of my first Stray Kids fanfiction (originally written in German sometime last year), since the original version is already complete I'll try to translate it all as quickly as possible and maybe post chapters daily (if I manage), the story isn't really long (around 30k total) so I guess it should be doable. (this one is kinda short cause it's more like a prologue)  
> 2\. There is a reason I chose not to use archive warnings, just keep that in mind.

_It wasn’t until I saw my reflection_  
_That’s when I woke up and realized_  
That the truth had been hidden away from us  
A sign, an omen, a-  
_A   G L I T C H_ __  


~

"It's simple", the boy they had declared to be their leader explained. Well, it really couldn't have been anyone but him. He had never decided to become their leader, he had been born to be one. The others had gathered around him by themselves. He just had this vibe to him, the certain something that made the lost boys want to join him. They flocked to him like moths to the flame, catching on fire as they came in contact with him. 

"There are only three important things you have to remember. Don't trust anyone, except if he knows our secret code word. Don't take the pills they are giving you under any circumstances. Don't swallow them. Ever. No matter what happens. If you are forced to take them just place them in your mouth and hide them under your tongue. But don't ever chew or swallow them. And the last and most important rule, we stay together. Always. This is the only way we can escape from here. All of us." He spoke in a hushed voice and the other seven stood around him, their heads pressed together in a small circle to eagerly absorb every single word that fell of his lips the same way a dehydrated person would hold open their mouth to catch every small drop of water they came across. All of them wore the same white uniform, under the bright light of the neon tubes lining the ceiling they seemed dazzlingly white in the oddest way. A stark contrast to the black hair all of them had. The same straight as a ruler cut on everyone. They were planning the revolution in broad light. There were no dark corners for them to hide in and secretly plan their way out. They had no other option but to plan their resistance under the unnaturally bright light of the neon tubes above their heads. The lights never turned off. Never allowed the inhabitants of this prison advertised as a safe haven even a second of peace and quiet. They were risking their life with what they were doing and they all knew it. But what kind of life did they even have to lose? A life illuminated by the shining of an artificial sun, trapped underground. It had taken just a small ray of actual sunlight to ignite them. And they would burn down everything else in their way.

"When?" In retrospect, neither of them would have been able to say exactly who of them had asked the question that had been on the tip of all of their tongues. Maybe they had spoken it in unison and maybe it hadn't actually been uttered at all. Maybe the question just had been so omnipresent in their minds that they didn't need to ask it out loud at all. Their leader took a couple wary glances around like he did every other second. Almost panicked. Paranoid.

"Soon, one is still missing", he muttered.

"You can't save all of them." Hesitantly the boy standing next to their leader raised his arm as if he was planning to put his hand on his shoulder to comfort him. But then his hand just hovered in mid-air for a bit. Seeming a little helpless. In the end, he put it back in his pocket without doing anything.

"I know. But I have a feeling we need to be nine. Nine or none."


	2. Awaken

_Who are you?_  
_I threw the question out there.  
_ _WAKE UP!_

~

Almost mechanically the boy held the bar code that was inked onto his wrist in the green light of the laser detecting it and waited for the beeping. Exactly five seconds later the irritating noise sounded from the machine and at the same moment, he could watch his personal data being displayed on a small screen. Lee Yongbok, seventeen years old, 171 centimetres tall, blood group AB and so on and so forth. The boy scrunched up his nose. He hadn't really gotten used to his new name yet. It's been only a few weeks since they changed it and he still didn't fully accept it. Before the last adjustment his name had been Felix, but the last reform had ruled out all unusual names. People that used to have a name that was declared too unusual had just been assigned a new one. And so Lee Felix had become Lee Yongbok. He had been told that his new name was a lot easier to pronounce for everyone else now. Accommodating to the group rather than the individual.  And within a day everyone in his living unit had gotten used to no longer calling him Felix as if that had never actually been his name to begin with. Almost as if his old name had been erased from their minds overnight. But Felix still clung to his name. At night he kept whispering it to himself over and over again to not forget it. Long enough that the word didn't even really sound like an actual name anymore. He had repeated it to a point where he felt like he was slowly losing his mind. But he clung to his old name as if his life depended on it.

The young woman behind the serving counter had meanwhile found Felix nutritional information within the flood of numbers on her screen. Without a word, she pushed a tray holding a glass of water, a grey mash without any colour or smell to it and a small bowl with pills towards him. There were three pills in total. As a child, he only had to take one but the dose had gotten higher over the years.

"The pills first", the woman muttered, already looking at the person in line behind Felix. She was done with him. Had served him and ended their interaction in the blink of an eye. No smile and  _enjoy your meal_ like the man back in the children's quarters had always said. Maybe growing more distant and colder is just part of growing up. Felix nodded at the woman quickly, picked up his tray and then got moving to find a free seat somewhere in the canteen. His daily schedule allowed him exactly an hour for his lunch break. The time that was wasted walking to the canteen, standing in line and looking for some place to sit had probably been ignored when coming up with that plan. By the time Felix finally found a place to sit down he had roughly half an hour left until his afternoon orientation course began. Since Felix was turning eighteen soon it was time to decide where he would be put to work later. The orientation courses were mostly there to test his abilities to make sure he got a job that best fit his strengths. Probably they would put him in one of the production units, something that didn't require him to think much and just follow orders. Maybe even the farming one. He had been told that the people belonging to this workers unit were put to work in the highest levels of the facility, even though their work was regarded as one of the lowest. But apparently, the conditions for the plants were best up there. Closest to the sky that Felix had never seen. District Nine was built mostly underground, except for the glass dome surrounding the highest levels, the atmosphere outside toxic and no longer inhabitable. Whoever would dare to step outside would probably die in a matter of seconds from the poisoned air filling up their lungs. But silent voices in the back of Felix mind kept whispering that it was all lies. And lately, the voices were growing louder and louder.

The highest level was reserved for the organisers and programmers that made sure everything in District Nine was running smoothly. The people planning and watching over the lives of everyone else. On the lower levels, they called them the dictators but only when there was no one close enough to hear them utter the disapproving words. Students that were considered for a position somewhere higher up usually got special training from their early childhood on. Felix had never received any sort of special teaching. Rather on the contrary. He had always just barely made it through his education. Just a tad above being labelled as flawed. Not an error in the system on his papers but the glances that others threw at him were enough to let him know that just barely was never good enough. They expect perfection. And Lee Felix was not perfect.

With a sigh, he reached for his bowl and took out the smallest of the pills first. Round, a little powdery and white. The pill he had been taking since his childhood. In his basic education course, he had been told that this one was to keep his immune system going and make sure everyone in here stayed healthy. In a closed system like District Nine, one person catching some kind of sickness could bring everyone else down with them. Felix swallowed down the pill with a sip of his water. The second was oval, slightly yellow but also somewhat seethrough. The same colour as the clear apple juice that he only got about three times a year for special occasions. The first time he had to take this pill had been his twelveth birthday, back then it felt like growing up. Apparently, it did something about hormone regulations or something like that. The older he got the less they told him and just expected him to comply. Back then he proudly washed it down with a glass of apple juice. Today, another sip of water would have to do. The third and final pill was added to his daily medication on his sixteenth birthday. They didn't even bother explaining its effects at all. It was the smallest of them all, perfectly round and completely black. It also tasted the most bitter out of them all. After Felix had swallowed it, his glass was only half full. Or maybe it was half empty.

After that, he focused on his food with not much time left to force it all down. The mash had about as much taste as it had colour or smell. So basically none. The food here was mostly bland. But at least it apparently gave his body all the nutrition he needed, the amount he got exactly calculated by how much energy he required to get through the day. Felix began eating his mash without any enthusiasm. He wasn't really hungry either way but he knew that he had to eat to survive the rest of the day. He had about twenty minutes left for his lunch and the way to the unit where his orientation course took place. Walking there would maybe take up another five minutes. Better plan for seven just in case. Tardiness was not really taken kindly to.

Out of the corner of his eye, Felix noticed another boy sitting down at the table across from him and putting down his tray. He was wearing the same white uniform as everyone else, but his was missing the symbol that showed his rank. But he seemed to be around Felix's age, so probably a student as well. At least he had the number of his living unit printed onto it. He was one level above Felix. Usually, students didn't really leave the level they were on, but maybe he was part of some special education programme. His face was serious, somewhat dark, but maybe that was just his expression. 

"Are you Lee Felix?", he asked out of nowhere. Felix dropped the spoon in the middle of moving it up to his lips. With a loud clattering noise, it hit the plate, splattering around a bit of the mash onto his tray. A few heads turned to look at them but they averted their eyes again quickly. It was better to not get involved with trouble. Keep your distance from anything unusual. 

"Yongbok", Felix corrected, even though the name still felt foreign in his mouth. "My name was changed after the last adjustment."

The boy looked around the room discretely. For a moment his eyes stopped at the guard standing in the corner, who wasn't really paying attention to them at all. Then he leaned over to whisper something into Felix's ear.

"Listen up, I'm going to tell you a secret. Maybe they can erase your name from their data and throw it out of their system and brainwash everyone else here into calling you Yongbok. But they can't just delete your name. Maybe from their system but not from your memory. You are a glitch, Felix. An error in their system. And as long as you cling to your old name you will always be Felix. They can't take that away from you."

Only now that the stranger had said his names a couple of times Felix noticed how easily the name that had been declared too atypical and difficult to pronounce fell off his lips. The surprise must have been written all over Felix's face, the boy smiled at him and suddenly his face looked completely different. Softer. More rounded. Gentle.

"I'm Seo Changbin", he introduced himself. In the meantime, he had comfortably settled into his seat, pretending to have a normal conversation with Felix. He reached out his hand for his bowl of pills, gathered all three of them in it at once and quickly made them fall down the inside of his sleeve while giving Felix a conspiratorial wink. As if he wanted him to know, that he had seen everything. They were sharing a secret now. One that was not supposed to be shared. For a moment, Felix just stared at him completely speechless, then he picked up his own spoon again and continued eating as if nothing had happened.

"You know, my friends and I, we don't really like the system. To be honest, we are working on a plan to break out from here", he explained, almost casually, while dipping his spoon into the grey mash on his plate. Felix tensed up immediately. Changbin had just admitted to a crime of the highest degree and yet there he was, eating a spoonful of his mash as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on. Felix looked around himself anxiously, actually, he was supposed to notify someone right away in a situation like this. Otherwise, he would also be guilty of offence. Then he relaxed suddenly.

"I also don't really like the system", Felix muttered. He had almost clasped his hand to his mouth right after actually uttering the words. The thought had formed in the back of his mind a couple of times already, but never did he actually string the sentence together. Let alone actually say these words out loud. Immediately all the possible consequences raced through his mind all at once. He could practically feel the needle of the guard's syringe pumping narcotics into his bloodstream already. Piercing into the soft skin of his exposed neck. What if Changbin had lied to him? What if he had only played along in an attempt to get Felix to admit it? What if it had been a trap? But he was just smiling. And that gentle smile on his otherwise cold face was enough to put Felix's mind at ease.

"Looks like he wasn't wrong about you", Changbin mused. Before Felix even got a chance to ask who this mysterious  _he_ was that Changbin had mentioned he had already passed him a small piece of folded paper. Bright red it lay in the palm of his hand.

"Tonight someone will come to find you. He is part of the distributors, but he belongs with us. Just give him that watchword and he will tell you what to do if you want to join us. If you don't change your mind until then. Don't keep that note under any circumstances. Destroy it as soon as you have the words memorised. Swallow it if you have to, everything is fine as long as it's gone."

Felix took the piece of paper but slipped it into his sleeve right away without even looking at it. Just like he had seen Changbin do it with the pills. Probably it would have been too dangerous to read it right there. Changbin nodded in approval.

"You're a smart one, Lee Felix", he commented. Felix smiled. Not even because Changbin had just complimented him. But because it just felt so amazing to hear his name spoken in the voice of another person again.

 

Felix used the five-minute break he was granted between classes to hide in one of the restrooms after he had asked one of the guards for permission to step out for a bit. Even though there was no one but him in there, he locked the door to the stall he was hiding in before he finally unfolded the note that he had slipped into his pocket earlier. This whole time he had felt the urge to put his hand into his pocket, wrap his fingers around the paper and play around with it to make sure, that it was really still there. But every little move could have raised suspicion. Now, that he was holding the note in his hand again, it felt almost as surreal as when Changbin had first passed it on to him. Together with the knowledge, that there were other people that thought like him. People that wanted to break out from the system. Rebels. A silent resistance. But at the same time, Felix realised just how serious this situation he had gotten himself into really was. He was committing high treason. This could cost him his life.

For a moment, he thought about just flushing down the note and pretending none of this had ever happened. Move on with life. Forget about it. Accept and become Yongbok instead. Let go of that last bit of resistance left in him. If he just didn't say the watchword to the person coming for him tonight, it would all be over for him. Lee Felix took a deep breath then he unfolded the note and read the words on the red paper.

_Nine or none, we are Stray Kids and we stay together._

Felix read the note over and over again until he felt like the words had burned into his retina and everyone else would be able to read them in his eyes. The words Stray Kids had not been written in Korean characters. It weren't even Korean words. Even though English had not been officially spoken in here for a very long time. Felix had picked up bits of the language from his mother, who in turn had picked it up from her parents. She didn't have much time to teach him, only a couple of years until children are removed from their original parents to be put in the educational system. A kind of communal parenting. He doesn't even remember his mother's face. But he remembers her soft voice gently whispering words in a foreign language into his ear. Apparently, she hadn't been the only English speaker here. That would explain why Changbin didn't struggle with the pronunciation of Felix's name at all.

Felix folded the note again neatly and thought about how to best get rid of it. At first, he had planned to just flush it down the toilet but he was beginning to doubt that plan. What if the water wouldn't completely dissolve it? What if someone still managed to find it somehow? Maybe someone would be able to fish out the drenched piece of paper and somehow trace it back to him. So Felix folded the note a couple more times until it was about the size of a fingernail and then placed it on his tongue. And swallowed it. The paper left a weird taste in his mouth. But nothing could be nearly as bitter as the pills that had been forced on him for years now.   
  


 

A little past eight in the evening a boy dressed in all white and with black hair entered Felix's room. Actually, that description wasn't telling at all. Almost everyone in this unit, in the entirety of District Nine, to be honest, had the same black haircut and the same white uniform. They tried so hard to make everyone look the same, no room for errors. The description didn't do the boy justice and yet it was all that could be said about him right now. He was pushing a small tray cart in front of him, loaded with small bowls filled with pills. The room numbers of the people supposed to swallow them down printed on the side of them in bold black letters. A small symbol on his chest marked the boy as a member of the distribution unit. The people responsible for getting things from one place to another and handing out things like fresh uniforms... or pills. On first glance, the small symbol on his chest was the only thing visibly setting him apart from Felix. At least it would have been for the people only looking out for numbers, status symbols and barcodes. Felix looked at the boys face. Ha had a really handsome face, well-proportioned, not too angular but still rather sharp jawline, gentle eyes. But still, nothing of that helped Felix be sure whether he was really the boy Changbin had mentioned. Damn, he really should have asked him for some more information. At least a name or something. The boy had in the meantime taken out a small device from his pocket and motioned for Felix to stretch out his arm. Immediately Felix pulled up his sleeve a little to reveal the bar code on his wrist. Felix couldn't remember a time when it wasn't there. It's as if he had been born with it. A natural part of his skin, even though he knows it's far from natural. Without saying a word, the boy scanned the code and then checked a few things on the screen of his device before he handed Felix a small bowl with his pills in it. Two different kinds this time. Another one for his health and one that was supposed to help him sleep well. Felix took the bowl, still unsure whether or not he should just recite the phrase. 

"What's your name?", he asked the boy who was now standing in the door frame with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Apparently, he was waiting for Felix to just swallow his pills rather impatiently. Or maybe it was something else he was waiting for. He didn't react to Felix's question, just gave him another silent glare, prompting him to swallow down the pill so he could move on to the next room. Felix's insides were tensing up and for a moment he was worried he might actually throw up. Maybe the boy would react to the half-digested piece of paper that Felix had swallowed down earlier. With shaking fingers Felix reached for the first of his pills. The one that apparently helped his immune system. The boy watched him closely, a spark of something other than just impatience in his eyes. Curiosity? Hope? Disappointment? Felix stopped. He put the pill back and started reciting the phrase that had burned into his brain with a shaking voice.

"Nine or none." He didn't really get much farther than this, voice already threatening to break even though it was barely above a whisper. His mouth felt dry, tongue sticking to his gums and his throat suddenly tight as if someone had their hands around his neck in a firm grip. But the other boy smiled at him as he continued the sentence where Felix's voice had failed him.

"We are Stray Kids...", he mumbled while taking back the small bowl that he had handed Felix earlier. Pills still in it. Untouched and not to be taken anymore.

"... and we stay together."

After the other boy had finished the sentence he smiled at Felix once more. With a swift move, he slipped the pills that he had just taken from Felix into his sleeve and made them disappear. Just like Changbin had done it earlier. Then he typed something into the small device in his other hand. A beep sounded from it. The information that Felix had taken his pills was now saved in the system. The boy winked at him, putting one finger over his lips as if to shush Felix. He probably couldn't have said anything even if he wanted to. He was too stunned to react at all. The boy turned around, getting ready to leave. Before he pulled the door shut behind himself – the doors here were never fully closed, they had no lock – he turned to look at Felix once more.

"I'm Minho by the way. I'll pick you up later when I'm done handing these out. Stay awake until then, but pretend to be asleep in case a guard comes to check in on you. Welcome to Stray Kids, Lee Felix."


	3. GLOW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (a little later than usual but somehow I am still keeping up with almost daily updates lol can you believe that I'm actually translating, editing and proofreading a whole chapter in one day?)

_Only looking forward as we run  
Shining through the darkness_

 

~

Never before in his entire life had it been so easy for Felix to stay awake. Usually, he was out like a light just moments after swallowing his sleeping pill. Because, after all, that was exactly what sleeping pills were made for. So far Felix had peacefully slept through every night of his life. Always getting exactly eight hours of sleep. Falling asleep every evening around the same time and then getting up around the same time every day the next morning. But this night he was hiding under his white blanket, eyes wide open. He was wide awake.

Through his open door, the dim light from the hallway crept into his room. Even at night District Nine was never completely dark. They maybe dimmed the lights down in most areas and even completely turned off the lamps in some places that weren't used at night either way but there was still light. Even with the lamp at the ceiling of Felix's room being turned out the room was still dimly lit with the light coming in from the hallway. Felix couldn't even fight it off with his blanket covering his eyes. There was no darkness in District Nine. And right now Felix wasn't sure how he had ever actually managed to sleep at night.

Roughly an hour ago a guard had passed by his room and quickly glanced inside. Felix had done his best to stay completely still, maybe almost giving himself away by being too stiff for a person that was supposed to be just sleeping. He had barely dared to breathe or move a muscle at all. He had maybe kept still like that for about a minute, even after he had heard the steps of the guard walk further down the hallway and away from his door. After that, he had stayed in hiding under his blanket just to be safe. The blanket draped over him like a shroud, his body stiff like that of a corpse and yet his blood was pulsing through it at twice the usual speed.

Under his blanket, Felix had lost all sense of time, so when a figure appeared in his doorframe for the second time he would not have been able to tell whether it had been a few minutes or several hours since the guard had passed his room. But in contrast to the guard, earlier this person didn't just stop in front of his door to take a short glance inside. They actually entered. As if they had actually been on their way to this room and not just passing by. Felix remained under his blanket until the intruder whispered a single word into the silence of the night.

"Felix?"

The name was thrown back by the walls as if coming from several different directions at the same time but it was spoken in one voice that Felix recognised. After all, only a few hours could have passed since he last talked to the boy. Quickly he kicked off his blanket and sat up straight. Minho was standing in the doorframe and smiled at him. In his left hand, he was holding a bundle of fabric, probably another uniform for Felix to wear. The one he had worn throughout the day had already been collected and was probably being washed right about now. As soon as Felix had sat up in his bed Minho had thrown the bundle at him, snickering at Felix's failed attempt at catching him. He watched in amusement as the fabric hit Felix in the face and then fell into his lap where he quickly gathered it up again, face burning bright red.

"Put that on. Around this time there are only other distributors and some guards out and we don't want to get into any trouble", he explained. Felix had unfolded and organized the clothes by now and climbed off his bed to put them on. Minho at least had the courtesy to turn around while Felix quickly pulled the shirt over his head. The symbol of the distributors was printed onto his chest, alongside a unit number. When Minho turned around again he noticed that their numbers were almost identical now. Same level and same unit, a different room number of course, but even those were close together. 

"Let's go", he muttered. Felix only nodded, but Minho had already turned around, not looking at him anymore. Without thinking much Felix got up to follow him into the dimly lit corridor.

  
  
On their way, they only crossed paths with one other person. A young woman, apparently also a distributor, she was pushing a laundry cart down the hall, stopping at every room to toss a fresh uniform for the next day through the door. In the next morning, the people would wake up, finding freshly washed and folded clothes at their bed, tied together into a neat package and they would put them on without thinking about where they came from. Felix knew because he had never really spent more than a minute thinking about how comfortable his life actually was. Minho nodded at the woman as they passed her and Felix did the same when he noticed him doing it. She didn't react though. As if she was sleepwalking she just continued walking down the hallway with dragging steps. Like a mechanical doll. Once she was out of sight Felix turned to throw Minho a questioning glance but he only shook his head, signalling that there was no time for explanations right now.

After that, they had passed through a door that Minho had opened for them by holding the bar code on his wrist into a scanner. It had led them onto one of the smaller staircases that connected the several levels of the facility. In contrast to the big stairs that were open to all inhabitants this one was a lot smaller. An iron circular staircase leading down into the darkness further than Felix could look despite the few lamps doing their best to illuminate everything. There were small gaps between the steps and the handrail also didn't really look too trustworthy. So that was one of the so-called fast stairs the distributors and other lower workers used to quickly get around the place. Felix swallowed.  
"How deep down does it go?", he asked with his voice feeling somewhat breathy. Minho turned around to give him a gentle smile.

"It's probably better if you don't know. I find that it helps not to think about it. I'm afraid of heights actually. The stairs used to freak me out when I first had to use them. Now I just try to walk up and down as quickly as possible to get off them rather sooner than later. Now come one, hurry. We have to go down about ten levels. To the accommodations of the distributer's unit."

Even though he had claimed to be afraid of heights Minho walked down the stairs as if he was completely unbothered by them. He moved in a way that could only be described as elegant, not even reaching for the handrails while he hurried down the stairs, never missing a step. The control he had over his own body was admirable. Felix, on the other hand, did everything in his mind to at least keep up with Minho's pace while clinging to the fragile looking handrail. After a few turns of the round staircase, he had already lost all sense of orientation. There was no way he would have been able to tell how far down they already were. It took all of his concentration to not fall behind Minho. The further down the got the more Felix started to think that maybe he wasn't actually walking that fast because he was confident and didn't need to worry about falling and breaking his neck. Actually, he was running down the stairs, he had just practised this fast pace enough to not be let down by his feet.

When Minho suddenly stopped Felix almost crashed into him but barely managed to get a grip of the handrail and stop himself midmovement. He had almost lost his footing right there. Felix had heard tales about people falling to their death on these stairs. One wrong step was enough to send you tumbling down several levels.

Minho hadn't even noticed Felix almost tripping. He had been occupied with the door in front of them. Again he used the bar code on his arm to open it for the both of them and then looked at Felix expectingly. Without losing another word about his almost crash Felix followed Minho into another dimly lit hallway. He noticed the boy before him visibly relax as soon as the got off the stairs. His shoulders slumped as if he was letting go of a breath he had been holding, the tension slowly escaping his body. He was still moving elegantly though. But now there was more of a swing to his step, a slight sway in his hip as he walked. Before he had been walking with his back perfectly straight, whole body on edge, perfect posture. Now he was walking almost as if he was dancing down the hallway, body light as feathers.

The rooms reserved for the distributors didn't look much different from the ones the students slept in one first glance. But as they were walking down the hallway Felix noticed that every other room was actually some kind of storage. Rooms stuffed with boxes and shelves filled with too much stuff to really make out anything in passing. And they were heading for one of those rooms. Before Felix even had time to imagine what would be waiting for him on the other side, Minho had already pushed open the door. It hadn't been locked. Nothing in District Nine was locked. Not even the rooms where the rebels hid while planning their break out.   
Boxes were stacked high on all walls of the room, a few of them even scattered across the floor. And on one of those boxes, a boy sat, six others spread around him in a circle, all of them sitting on the floor. But even without the box that made him sit a little higher than everyone else in the room Felix could have probably identified him as their leader right away. He had attracted Felix's gaze the second he set foot into the room. It was as if he naturally took the centre of the room, even though he was seated in the corner farthest away from the door. But the other's were gathered around him like the moons in the orbit of a planet. He was the centre of gravitation and he pulled everyone else towards him.

Changbin was sitting to his right and another boy that looked oddly familiar, even though Felix had no clue where he had seen him before, had taken his other side. Minho had sat down somewhere between the other boys without saying a word. Felix still stood in the doorframe awkwardly, not sure if he should just sit down or wait for an invitation to join their circle first. Sixteen eyes were on them and he could feel every single stare. The boy in their middle got up from his box and extended a hand. 

_"Lee Felix, my name is Bang Chan, it used to be Chris, pick whichever you prefer. Welcome to Stray Kids."_

_"You speak English?"_ , Felix asked, a little perplexed. The other boy still held his hand out, waiting for Felix to grab hit. His smile grew even wider, dimples appearing on his round cheeks when Felix finally took it. Chris – Felix had decided to go with that name for now – had a firm grip on his hand. He was holding it tightly but at the same time not squeezing it too much for it to be uncomfortable. Strong but gentle, somehow reassuring.

 _"My parents taught me. And I taught the rest of them, we started using it as our secret language. But maybe we should start with introductions, I guess this is all a bit much to take in at once. Take a seat, we'll explain it all to you._ Guys say hi to the new guy." Chris had switched from English back to Korean without missing a beat while he sat back down on his little chest. Felix was still stumbling behind, his mind taking a little longer to switch back to the second language. Hesitantly he also sat down, closing their circle. They were all sitting rather close together, knees almost touching. Felix had squeezed himself between Minho and another boy that was giving him a friendly smile. Meanwhile, Chris was tapping the shoulder of the boy sitting to his left, probably to encourage him to go first with introducing himself. The boy smiled, making his face round and his cheeks puffy and again Felix got the feeling, that he knew him from somewhere.

"I'm Jisung, exactly one day older than you, we were also born in the same unit. We used to be in the same basic education course before they... took me out of it. Maybe you still remember me."

 _Jisung._ Upon hearing that name something clicked in Felix mind, like two cogs of a machine coming together. Han Jisung had been in Felix first basic education course. Felix remembered him as a really bright and cheerful child. Maybe a little hyperactive from time to time. The teachers often needed to remind him to be more quiet, to sit still and to focus better. Felix had liked him, talking to him had been fun. But apparently, the teachers had not been as fond of Jisung as Felix had been. One day he had just stopped showing up to classes. A regular change, of course, the teacher had told them. No one had really bothered asking any further questions about it. Because back then they had been children, not knowing what cruel things were going on behind a student  _changing_  classes. There is no changing, just being removed from them. Sorted out and thrown away.

"He suggested you", the boy next to Jisung added to the conversation and earned a somewhat irritated glare in return.

"You suggested him, I only passed the information on to Chan and told him what you had already told me", he said, rolling his eyes but at the same time smiling. The boy next to him was now grinning as well before he turned to face Felix.

"I'm Seungmin, we are in the same orientation course. I noticed that you were acting kind of strange right after the last adjustment. A couple of times you didn't react to your new name right away when the teacher called you. So I guess you didn't just accept it, right? They didn't manage to just delete your old identity after all."

Another click. Felix really hadn't noticed Seungmin so far. Actually, he had not only failed to really remember his face, he really did notice him surprisingly little so far. Even though he had most likely seen Seungmin every day for the last few years or so he did not remember his face at all. Seungmin just had that kind of face that was easy to mistake for someone else, there must have been at least five or so people looking somewhat similar walking around Felix unit. Seungmin blended in with the crowd perfectly. But now that Felix thought about it maybe it was more than just him having a lot of lookalikes. Maybe there was some kind of purpose behind him not being noticed. He was perfect at flying right under the radar. A blur just out of everyone's field of vision.

Next up was the boy to Felix's right. The one who had given him that friendly smile earlier. He was still smiling now while he completely twisted his upper body to face Felix and enthusiastically grab his hand.

"I'm Jeongin, I'm the youngest in the group", he introduced himself. Minho leaned over to Felix a little to whisper something in his ear.

"Don't you think you can underestimate him though. He might be the youngest but I think he's also one of the smartest here. And maybe the most dangerous. He's receiving special education. One day he just stood in front of our door, knew all our names and everything about what we are doing and asked to join us."

Felix took note of the information but didn't comment on it. Jeongin was still holding his hand and Felix gently squeezed it back a little before he turned to face Minho completely. The boy only shrugged at him, apparently he saw no need for any further introductions between them since they had already kind of introduced each other earlier. So instead the boy sitting next to Minho spoke up.

"I'm Hyunjin, a programmer in the making, got the job a couple of months ago but I've already been a part of the group before that. Maybe I'll never actually finish training to become a fully fledged programmer. Either because we make it out of here or because they kick me out for oversleeping one more time." Hyunjin gave Felix a small smile. He had tensed up at the word  _programmer_ but the friendly expression on Hyunjin's face made him relax again. Hesitantly Felix smiled back at him before the boy next to Changbin raised his voice.

"I'm the oldest here, my name is Woojin. I work down in one of the kitchens, so I'm basically in constant contact with both the guys from the distribution and also the production unit. I'm a bit of a middleman I guess. I help to pass around information during lunch times and all that. Actually, I almost made it into special training, my test scores were high enough. But apparently, my personality test deemed me as... unfit for a position higher up." Woojin shrugged his shoulders casually. As if it didn't bother him at all. As if it had never even bothered him in the first place. Before Felix could think any deeper about it Changbin cleared his throat and captured Felix's entire attention with just that. He was smiling brightly and the deep rumble of his speaking voice couldn't have been more unfitting for his face at that moment. 

"I belong to the farmers by the way. So I work all the way up there under the artificial sun, just like Chan does", Changbin gave the boy sitting next to him a friendly jab to the side which Felix only registered barely.

"The sun is artificial?", he asked silently. In his mind, the question sounded loud, almost like hysteric screaming but in reality, it was merely a whisper that left his mouth. Chris gave him another of his dimpled smiles while he got up from his place. 

"I know we just dragged you all the way down here, but how about we just show you? I think that is a lot easier than explaining it all. We can talk on the way back up."

 

They walked up the stairs in a line, Chris at the beginning of it and Felix as the last one. Earlier, when he had walked down the stairs with Minho, Felix had felt incredibly clumsy. But now that he noticed how some of the others were also desperately clinging to the handrails he felt a little more at peace. Except for Minho, only Hyunjin walked with a comparable amount of grace and elegance. Kind of weird considering how as someone working higher up he probably would have never needed to use these stairs in his lifetime but still walked them as if he had never done anything else. He must have been part of the rebellion for quite some time. Jeongin seemed to struggle the most, he had gotten a spot fairly at the front of their formation, right behind Chris who he was desperately clinging to, fists balled around the fabric of his white uniform jacket. Changbin had been more to the front when they started walking as well but with every turn, he had fallen more behind until he was walking next to Felix. Probably he had done it on purpose to talk to him and honestly, Felix was incredibly thankful for that. 

"Is it weird for you how you are not feeling tired at all even though it's already way past your usual bedtime?", Changbin asked while they passed a door for maybe the twentieth time already. Felix just shrugged his shoulders a little. In the past few hours so much had happened that he didn't even have time to think about how usually he would be asleep right now.

"Is it because I didn't take the sleeping pill?", he asked back. Changbin nodded.

"Your body has been forced into an unnatural sleeping schedule for basically all of your life so far. Always going to sleep and waking up right when you are supposed to. But humans don't work like clockwork. Your body will probably take a couple of days to adjust to the changes, but you'll eventually slip into a more natural sleeping pattern. Most of us had some trouble getting used to it as first. Chan still barely sleeps enough but he insists that he's fine. But I think Hyunjin is actually the worst of us, his sleeping schedule is completely off and he never gets up on time. If Jeongin wouldn't wake him up every morning I think we would have long been found out because of him missing work or something like that." Changbin clicked his tongue feigning annoyance. The sound was thrown back by the walls and echoed through the neverending space of the staircase.

"What about the other pills? What do they do? And why are we not supposed to take them?" The questions kept bubbling out of Felix's mouth and there was no stopping them. They had just passed the twenty-third door. At least if Felix didn't mess up counting somewhere along the neverending turns of the stairs. And there still was no end in sight.

"We actually don't really know for sure. There are a few different theories about what exactly they do and we couldn't fully confirm any of them. But we know that they aren't really good for you. They are just supposed to keep you under control. Make sure you stay numb and happy with the system and work like you are supposed to. But maybe it's better to let Chan explain that to you, he's much better at it. Everything will make more sense after you've seen the light."

 Felix was just about to ask another question when a sudden commotion at the beginning of the line slowed them down to a halt. They weren't moving up the stairs anymore but instead through a door. Felix had long lost count of how many doors they had passed and how many levels worth of stairs climbed, but apparently, they had made it. Changbin smiled at him over his shoulder, then they followed the others through the door.  


 

"Tilt your head to the side a little and then look up, maybe you have to squit your eyes a little to really see it, you can only really make it out when you focus on it", Changbin was whispering into Felix's ear from behind, his hands casually placed on his shoulders to position him at just the right angle for him to see the thing they were trying to show him. They were standing in the middle of a field on one of the highest levels. The sky above them was dark and clouded by toxic gasses, a dome of glass the only thing keeping them separated from the deadly air outside of District Nine. A glass dome that, as Felix had only just noticed, had a small crack in it. And through that crack, he saw something that didn't quite fit in with what he could see through the rest of the dome. The small patch of the sky that shone through the crack wasn't grey and cloudy but perfectly black. A small ray of silvery light made its way through and hit a single blossom on a nearby bush. The light was completely different from the bright light of the neon tubes that Felix had gotten so used to. Somehow this light was warmer. Comforting. Realer. Almost afraid and with shaking fingers Felix reached out a hand to hold it in the silvery ray. Even though he knew that the thought was hilarious every warning bell in his head went off, telling him that the light would burn his skin. It didn't burn, he couldn't even feel the warmth of the light. But his skin was glowing in a way that he had never seen before.  
He didn't burn himself, he had caught fire.


	4. Mirror

_I'm not me, who are you?  
_ _I'm so different from the me I used to know._

_~_

It had taken Felix a few days to really adjust to the changes. Never before had he felt so tired like he did the first few days without his sleeping pills. And never had he been lacking his drive to get up and be active as much. Without a real reason, he constantly felt like he was about to collapse. The air seemed to weight down on him, the light of the neon tubes was too bright, too blinding. Unnatural. The human body wasn't meant to be trapped underground like this. This wasn't living.

On the way back down to their little meeting place Chris had explained everything they knew so far. It wasn't really much but Felix had eagerly absorbed every word like a sponge drinking in water. Thirsty until he couldn't take any more of it. Chris had talked about the pills. And about the artificial sunlight. Apparently, everything Felix had been told about the world outside so far had been lies. Maybe he should have been shocked by that. But actually, he had felt relieved to know that he had been living a lie. It would have been much crueller for everything to be true. No matter what the world out there really was like, it could not be worse than what he had been forced to believe so far. The picture of a dusty sky with grey clouds hanging over it that could be seen through the glass dome day in and day out was just a projection. An illusion. A contortion of reality. None of them really knew what actually waited for them outside. Hyunjin and Jeongin had been busy with trying to get a look at the outside for weeks now. So far they hadn't succeeded but they claimed to be getting closer. Yet, all they really knew came from one single ray of warm sunlight that had broken in through a crack in the glass. A small error in the system and they were willing to bet everything they had on it. Because after all, they were just the same. Errors in the system. All of them.

Back then Chris had been the first one to discover the light. Maybe he had also been the only one to take notice of it at all. Because while everyone else had been focused on their job his eyes had wandered, finding the one patch where the grass was greener. Everything else in District Nine was dying or already dead, but this small spot of grass had looked so alive. He had noticed it. That was where the fire had started. Jisung and Changbin had been the first two he had shown it to. The three of them were the base of the rebellion and even though the others usually didn't display it openly they had a similar amount of respect for Changbin and Jisung as they had for Chris. The other members had gathered around them after that. One by one they had picked up the lost boys. They had looked out for the flaws in the system on purpose, gathering up those that didn't fit in with the rest and gave them a place to stay. Felix was the last one. No one really knew why it had to be nine exactly, probably not even Chris himself, but it felt right like this. They had been drawn to the light like moths. Probably humans were just naturally drawn to light. Actually, they needed the sun to be happy. Chris had done his best to somehow explain all of that to Felix and apparently, it had something to do with hormones and vitamins that the body could only produce with exposure to sunlight. And because the inhabitants of District Nine were trapped underground under a fake sun they were lacking those. That's where the white pill came in. A kind of antidepressant.

So far, his second day without all the pills and medications had been the worst. Without any reason at all, Felix had barely managed to get out of his bed in the morning. And throughout the rest of the day, he had continued feeling more dead than alive. Everything seemed to be going slower. Like walking through water. Every move was more cumbersome as if the air itself was wearing him down. It had gotten a little better since then but he still could not picture having to spend his entire life like this. Lasting winter depression in the middle of eternal summer. He didn't want to think about how the others were feeling. After all, they had been lasting through this for so much longer.

The yellow-ish pill, the one that reminded Felix of clear apple juice even though it didn't taste nearly as sweet, apparently had a similar function. Through the years just one of them was probably not enough to keep the people high on fake happiness. To make them content and thus submissive to the system that ruled over them.

They all weren't sure about what exactly the black pill did. There were different theories, of course, some assuming it to be some sort of brainwashing pill while others were passionately arguing that it was probably a very slow working poison. Hadn't it always been kind of suspicious how no one in District Nine really lasted well beyond their eightieth birthday? Just at the age where they were no longer useful to the system. But whatever those pills actually did in the end, they all agreed that it probably wasn't good.

 

A whole week passed between the first time Felix had seen the rays of light and the next time that he was allowed to get close to it again. As part of his introduction course, roughly half of his group was put to work on one of the highest levels. The one with the fields and the gardens. The one, where Chris and Changbin were working as well.

They didn't greet Felix when he arrived there together with his group, not even as they walked right past each other. The other two were basically acting as if they had never met Felix before in their entire life. And even though he understood their reasons for doing that, it still hurt him to be confronted with Changbin's cold, distant face once again. Now that he had seen him smile there was no way he could ever go back.

The whole theoretical part of the lesson passed without them having spoken even one word to each other. Once that was over, the group was split up into several smaller groups that were told to assist the regular field workers with their tasks. Someone pushed a pair of working gloves into Felix's hand and then shoved him in the direction of a maze made out of hedges. Changbin was standing by the entrance of it, an empty basket sitting at his feet in the grey grass. He picked it up when he saw Felix approach as if he had been waiting for him all his life.

"Lee Yongbok, I will take care of the practical part of your teaching today, please follow me", Changbin instructed him in a cold voice. His face blank, eyes seemingly looking through Felix, who had slightly cringed at the sound of his other name coming from Changbin's mouth. With a silent nod, Felix followed Changbin to a row of perfectly trimmed hedges. Only when they were almost at the centre of the maze, Changbin suddenly stopped to turn around and look at Felix with that wonderfully soft smile on his face. His whole body language had changed in a matter of seconds. Just a moment ago he had been walking stiffly and perfectly straight, now he was kind of slumping forwards, feet dragging over the ground while he slowed down to let Felix catch up to him.

"Sorry about that, Felix. But it's best we act like we don't know each other in front of the guards. We wouldn't want someone to get suspicious", he explained. Felix only nodded while he caught up to Changbin. The two kept walking further into the centre of the labyrinth of hedges until Changbin suddenly stopped in front of a bush that looked exactly like every other one. Eerily so, to be honest. As if someone had copied and pasted the same bush again and again. Even the berries seemed to be in the exact same positions on all of them. It was almost creepy.

"Take the berries that look good and throw them in that basket. But get rid of the leaves and everything else first. We should be able to fill the thing up within half an hour or so and until then we can talk here without being disturbed by anyone."

Felix followed Changbin's example and started searching for berries between the leaves of the bushes and then throw them into their basket. The berries were the only bright red stain on an otherwise completely grey and white canvas. Even the plants seemed to be somewhat grey. Only the berries called out for attention like bloodstains on a white cloth. They left marks on Felix's fingers, dyed his skin red. Changbin had carelessly wiped his hands off on his pants, leaving behind a streak of red colour running along his thigh and attracting Felix's gaze like a magnet.

"Felix, you seem kind of out of it. Are you alright?", Changbin asked into the busy silence. Felix pried his eyes away from the red stain and forced himself to give a quick nod as a reply. Changbin wrapped his arm around Felix's shoulder and the younger tensed up right away. It was unusual to get this close to a person. Actually, almost all kind of physical contact was avoided as much as possible here. People only really touched each other if they had to, and even then it was mostly small touches that were meant to just fulfil their one purpose and not last any longer than this. Being touched like that, without any other purpose than for the sake of touching each other, felt weird. And at the same time oddly comforting.

"We all took a while to adjust, but trust me, it gets better after a while. You get used to it. I know, you must feel terrible right now, maybe even somewhat depressed, but you'll be fine. It'll get better. But I don't think it will actually get good until we make it out of here. Sometimes I feel like I'm suffocating in here. I want to smash this stupid dome. I need fresh air, it's driving me crazy. But I think it won't be long now, we are in the final phases of preparing everything. You were the last piece we were missing. I'm sure we'll make it out of here soon. All of us."

Changbin gave Felix a few more reassuring pats on the back before he pulled back his arm. Felix was missing the touch already. Changbin's arm around his shoulders seemed to have the same effect as the sunlight. It had ignited something deep within him.

"Thanks", Felix muttered while turning to focus on the berries again. Somehow he couldn't get himself to look at Changbin who let out an amused snort at that. 

"You are really cute", he mumbled. Felix's hands stopped mid-movement for a second, he wasn't sure what to reply to that so, in the end, he went with just not replying at all and acting as if he didn't hear anything. Changbin didn't repeat himself even though a part of him had hoped that he would. They just quietly continued picking berries. With every berry that Felix plucked off the bush the red colour on his hand spread.

  
  
Half an hour later they left the labyrinth again. A white basket filled up with red berries in Changbin's hand. He was walking a step ahead of Felix again, his back straightened, legs stiff, arms pressed to his side. The distance between them was getting larger once again. Earlier, Changbin's arm had swung back and forth with every step he had taken. His whole body moving like a wave with every swinging step. Felix missed being able to watch Changbin move so freely. To see him the way he only acted when no one else was around. He wanted to see more of Changbin. The real Changbin. He wanted to keep hiding between perfectly trimmed grey hedges and fill the world with blotches of red colour until the grey was completely painted over.

Changbin put down his basket between a collection of similar looking baskets. All of them neatly lined up next to each other. The contents varied from more berries that Felix could not identify to weird looking tubers, maybe some kind of root vegetables and green-ish leaves. Well, as green as anything in a world where everything was painted in shades of grey could ever be.

"We need to get this all down to the kitchens, levels four-eight, three-nine and three-five. Everyone who has nothing to do right now will help the distributors carry everything downstairs and then come back here right away. The students are dismissed for today, but you are invited to volunteer and help out some more." The voice of the guard was sounding loudly through the open field even though he wasn't using an amplifier. Immediately everyone started moving as if someone had flicked a switch. The students also gathered together again to await instructions on how exactly they could _volunteer_ to do more. In District Nine, you didn't volunteer. You followed instructions. Always.

Changbin made an almost unnoticeable gesture in Felix direction to tell him what to do next.  _Go grab a basket._ Without thinking about it for even a second Felix followed the instruction and picked up a basket filled with tubers. Changbin picked up the berries again and motioned for Felix to follow him. They walked towards two other people that were standing around near one of the exits. One of them holding two baskets, one in each hand and yet managed to make it look like there was no effort to it at all. Even before they had gotten close enough to be able to make out their faces Felix had recognised him as Minho. His posture was telling. And the person next to him was Chris. The two of them standing next to each other was a sight that made Felix's breath come to a halt for a second. Both of them had a presence that filled up the room, each of them in their own way. Minho was a display of elegance like no other person that Felix had met before. And Chris had that air that just naturally drew Felix in, he was captivated by Chris. Even now that he was just standing there, one hand in the back pocket of his work pants. Minho was just slightly taller than he, Felix only noticed now that they were standing next to each other like that. And yet Chris seemed to tower above everyone else by a bit as if he was always on tiptoes. The two acknowledged Changbin's presence with a small nod, then Minho turned around to talk to the other distributor that was standing close by.

"I'm taking those three with me all the way down", he explained. The other guy just nodded. As if someone had pulled on a string keeping all of them connected the group started walking in a line. Only when they entered the staircase and closed the door behind him they really started talking.

"When is our next meeting?" Minho had asked the question almost casually and without turning around to look at Chris who was walking down the stairs right behind him. Felix and Changbin were the ends of the formation once again. Minho walked ahead quickly, his whole body on high alert. But Felix was also feeling like he was getting more used to the descent already. He barely had to reach for the handrail this time. He was walking freely. Not with the same grace and determination that Minho carried himself with, but he no longer felt as if he could slip and fall into the pitch black nothing at any second. His movements had grown fearless in such a short time.

"The night after tomorrow if everything goes according to plan. I still need to contact Hyunjin and Jeongin somehow. I have something I need to tell them", Chris kept his eyes on his feet while he was talking, carefully taking one step at a time. Everything about him seemed calm and calculated. Felix watched him from behind with a mixture of awe and admiration.

 "So that's why we are going down to the kitchen?", Minho asked. This time he actually turned his head around to look at Chris with a grin that seemed to suggest something more that Felix couldn't grasp from the context. But he didn't stop walking. Minho took the next two steps blindly while looking over his shoulders before he whipped his head around again. Chris muttered something under his breath, eyes still fixed on the path in front of him.  
  


 

Woojin had opened the door before Minho had even gotten the chance to roll up his sleeves and open it for them. As if he had patiently waiting for them on the other side, ear pressed to the door to hear their approaching steps. With wide eyes Felix watched as Woojin pulled Chris into a tight hug, his arms thrown around his waist so tightly that he almost lifted him up from the ground for a second. Once they parted Woojin also quickly pulled Minho and Changbin in for a hug, both of them combined probably not even lasting anywhere close to the amount of time he had hugged Chris for. Woojin hesitated for a moment when he got to Felix, but then ended up quickly hugging him as well. Apparently, the members of Stray Kids had a completely different attitude concerning intimacy than what was usual in District Nine. They rebelled even in those small gestures. Felix probably hadn't received a hug in years, especially not from someone he wasn't even that familiar with yet. And it had felt weird to be hugged suddenly like that. Just like Changbin's arm around his shoulder had felt weird. But it had been two different kinds of weird, as Felix now started to realise while he was watching Chris hand Woojin a few folded notes, the two of them standing closer than they had to. The way Woojin had hugged Chris had been different from how he had hugged the other three. Felix had never really thought much about anything like this before. Or about the actual significance of touching or not touching another person. But Changbin's arm draped over his shoulder had given him a different feeling than being hugged by Woojin. Maybe it was a privilege to be allowed feeling that difference. A privilege that Felix had not been granted while growing up in a world where touching was deemed inappropriate and useless. And now all these new feelings and experiences left him confused. He watched Chris and Woojin talk to each other intensely as if the answer to the riddle he had just posed for himself was hidden somewhere in their body language. In plain sight but not visible because he did not know how to read it. Yet he found his answer when Changbin's hands reached around him from behind to cover his eyes and blind him just as Woojin and Chris had moved their faces a little closer than would have been necessary to have a conversation. Changbin's hands were warm, his touch gentle, the last thing Felix saw before he closed his eyes to not be poked was Chris hand on Woojin's cheek and Minho rolling his eyes before turning away from the two.

"Let them have their moment", Changbin muttered in Felix's ear from behind, voice warm, an emotion that Felix had never really felt before and thus couldn't put a name on settled in his stomach, making him feel warm and somewhat giddy. He understood.


	5. Grow Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh, looks like I didn't really manage to go daily updates all the way, I'll still try to post every other day tho but my sleeping schedule got really messed up lately and I was feeling kind of exhausted (I'm good tho^^)

_Mentally and physically exhausted, getting caught with giving up  
_ _The end is up to you, where is your destination?_

~

The two boys were standing in the middle of a maze of grey hedges. Hedges that were so high and perfectly square that they almost looked like walls. Grey concrete walls. Sometimes it's hard to really make out your surroundings anymore when you are trapped in the middle of a maze. Especially when all you see is grey. Maybe there really was nothing but grey left. Maybe the whole world was confined within these grey walls. It's hard to tell that there is more to the world than what you see when you are stuck in the middle of a maze.

There was blood on their hands. Then again, maybe it was just the dark red juice of fresh berries, the only colourful stain on an otherwise completely white canvas. If it weren't for them, it would be easy to assume, that the world was in monochrome colours entirely. Only black and white. And grey. Grey everywhere. Felix wiped his red-stained hands on his white pants several times, but the red colour clung to his skin. No matter how hard Felix tried, he couldn't rub it off, he only spread it around, painting his pants with red stains as well. There was blood on his hands. Changbin was oddly relaxed in comparison to Felix. Unbothered by the red sprinkles on his clothes and his skin. He was just standing there, giving Felix a concerned look. As if he was weird for being bothered by the colour. When Felix noticed Changbin's staring at him he let his arms drop to his sides as well. For a moment they locked eyes until Changbin turned away first. He was looking around them, inspecting the grey walls that trapped them from the sides. Felix followed his gaze, really scanning his surroundings for the first time. He tried to find something he could focus his attention on, but all he saw was grey. An endless maze of grey walls. And Changbin right in the middle of it. Red stains on him.

"How do we get out of here again?", Felix heard himself whisper before the question had even fully manifested in his head. Until he said it, he hadn't completely realised, that he had no idea where he was or how to get out again. Hadn't they been picking berries just a moment ago?

"If we just keep walking around we have to find an exit sooner or later, right?", Changbin shrugged his shoulders and started walking the next second, without a warning. Felix stumbled over his own feet trying to catch up to him, but the more he hurried the more distance Changbin seemed to be putting in between them. Even though he was walking so calmly, arms swinging with every step while Felix was almost out of breath already. He was running to catch up to him. He had just remembered something important that he needed to tell Changbin. To escape a labyrinth you need to keep turning right all the time until you find an exit.

 

Still feeling somewhat dizzy Felix sat up in his bed. A knock on his door had ripped him out of his sleep and also out of a dream. He couldn't really remember what it had been about and the more he tried to focus on it the more it slipped through his hands. But it left him feeling desperate for something. As if there was something important that he really needed to remember but just couldn't. It took him a moment longer than usual to really wake up. Just a week or so ago he had always woken up around the same time from a dreamless slumber without any problems. Now that he thought about it, it was kind of weird how with no longer taking his medications his dreams had also started to come back. Maybe there was some kind of correlation. As a child, Felix had still dreamt a lot and really vividly. Back then the world had been more colourful and his fantasy almost too much for his little brain to contain all of it. Now he had started dreaming again. Honestly, Felix could probably have continued without it. He was already confused enough without weird dreams leaving him feeling lightheaded in the early morning. 

"Are you okay?" Only upon hearing the voice Felix noticed the person standing in his doorframe, watching him with a curious smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Seungmin had the almost creepy ability to practically make himself invisible and then pop up out of nowhere again when he was ready for people to notice his presence. Now he was full on smiling at Felix. A huge grin that shone with the same intensity as the fake sun. Felix wondered whether the real one was just as bright. He took a moment to think about Seungmin's question. He felt okay. A little tired maybe, head spinning with fragments from a dream already half-forgotten. But he didn't feel as drained and unable to get himself moving as he had the day before. With Seungmin waiting for him patiently he was actually motivated to get up.

"I'm good. Thank you for waking me up", Felix stumbled over his words and then his own feet as he jumped out of bed as quickly as possible, head spinning and the rest of his body slightly lagging behind. Seungmin just watched the mess unfold with a snicker.

"I'm going to go ahead, just wanted to make sure that you are up and doing okay. Waking up in the morning is like my speciality, you could say it's my job in the group. Somehow I adjusted the easiest to sleeping without pills. I wake up in the morning with no problem. So I started making small rounds to make sure everyone else is also up on their feet. Sometimes I more or less drag them out of bed if I have to", Seungmin explained. The smile was still lingering on his lips. Over the course of the past few days, Felix had discovered that there were several different ways to smile. There was the warm and inviting kind of smile, the one Chris had given him when he had first been introduced to the group. Minho's teasing grin. Jeongin's honest smile that was still that of a child that had not seen all of the evils of the world. And then there was Changbin's special smile. The one he only put on, when there was no one but Felix around to see it.

"Are we working on the fields again today?", Felix asked unprompted. Seungmin who had already half turned to walk away stopped again to turn back and look at Felix. There was a different kind of smile on his lips now. This time it was a sly grin as if he knew something that Felix didn't know about. 

"Yep, we're continuing with instructions today, so we're getting some more work experience. I'll see you up there", Seungmin winked at him before he turned and left for good this time. He pulled the door closed behind him. For a moment Felix kept staring at the spot where Seungmin had been standing just a moment ago, then he shook his head to get rid of the thoughts that had been racing through his mind without break since last night. Not that the whole thing with the rebellion and the breakout plan hadn't already been enough to confuse him, he just had to get himself in even more confusing situations. The moment Changbin had put his hands over his eyes he had also opened his eyes in a way. Of course, Felix had not really seen Chan and Woojin interact, but he knew enough to get a good idea what exactly they had been doing. And after his initial confusion had faded a new feeling had settled. Something unfamiliar yet oddly warm and comforting. Felix had never really thought about what it must be like to actually be close to another person in that way. In District Nine, it was unusual for two people to be in a relationship like that. There were no official rules that kept people from it. It was more like an unspoken law. Selecting someone for yourself was mostly unheard of. It was just improper to do something like that. Looked down upon. Because in the end, everyone got an assigned partner to mate with either way. Selected based on biological factors as well as personality to assure healthy offspring.

But breaking those unspoken rules was apparently also part of what being a rebel meant. A rebellion through emotions that should not be there. Through friendship. Through intimacy. The way that Changbin had interlaced his fingers with Felix's on their way back up had felt like revolution.

He shook his head again, a little more violently this time. Part of him just wanted to slam his head against the nearest wall. But instead he just quickly picked up the clothes that some distributor must have thrown into his room last night. Another thing that Felix had never really wasted a thought on before all of this happened and he had gotten a few glimpses into what working as a distributor was like. Before he had just accepted the fact that there was a fresh uniform there every morning. Now, that Felix had seen the stairs the distributors had to use to get around the place to get stuff to where it was needed it felt like a huge privilege to wake up with a freshly washed uniform just lying by the feet of his bed every morning instead of having to walk all the way down to pick it up himself. The thought of the stairs still made shivers run down his spine.

While Felix pulled the white jacket of his uniform over his head he heard something rustle inside one of the breast pockets. He glanced around the room quickly to assure himself that he was unsupervised before he reached into the pocket with two fingers to feel around the inside until he found a small note and took it out. There was a single word scribbled onto it.  _LUNCH._ In bold scrawly letters, followed by a row of numbers. Felix assumed them to be a time and place. He read over them several times until he had them memorised. Then he folded the paper a couple of times and put it in his mouth. He would probably never get completely used to the bitter aftertaste the paper left on his tongue. 

 

Felix orientation course was really informed that they would be doing some more in practice work right after their morning assembly. And by total coincidence, he had again been put to work on the same level as last time. Seungmin was in the same group as him this time, and honestly, the coincidence had probably stopped way earlier than this. So that's what it meant to have some people working with the programmers in their group. Felix and Seungmin didn't speak a word to each other on their way up, keeping a bit of distance between them with Seungmin mostly keeping to another small group of students and blending in with them. Felix was itching to walk up to Seungmin and ask him whether he had received the same note as him. But if he did, he had probably also found it this morning already, so if he wanted to tell Felix about it he would have had more than enough time for it already. So he had probably decided to not speak of it as soon as he had found and gotten rid of it. Probably it was safer this way. Felix would just follow his example and keep his mouth shut as well. Even when they began working in small groups later Felix and Seungmin walked in opposite directions almost immediately. Like two magnets repelling each other. As if they had planned it. Seungmin was walking towards one of the fields while Felix walked up to the maze of hedges.

Changbin was already standing by the entrance casually, two white baskets in the green-grey grass in front of his feet. As if he had been waiting for Felix and yet it seemed like he was just standing around, coincidentally taking a break right then and there. Shortly before Felix got to him Changbin picked up one of the baskets and went into the maze. It took Felix all the self-control he could muster to not start walking faster. He walked up to the other basket, picked it up without stopping and then followed Changbin with a bit of distance between them. As if they were just two people that happened to walk in the same direction for a bit. Only when they reached the middle of it Changbin suddenly stopped and turned around. A soft smile on his lips. That smile that he only put on when he was alone with Felix.

"For now we just have to trim the hedges a little, if you find some dried leaves or anything that is rotting just pull it out and throw it in that basket. This should keep us busy until it's time for lunch", Changbin explained. While talking he already put down his basket and started working on the hedge that was closest to him. He only glanced over at Felix a little to see if he was following instructions, eyes focused mostly on the task at hand. His fingers were carefully brushing over the leaves, scanning for the errors that needed to be taken out. The flaws that needed to be eliminated. Felix followed his example quietly. For a while, they just worked next to each other without either of them saying a word. Felix mind was racing, trying to come up with some topic of conversation or some question he could ask Changbin now that he had a chance to be alone with him again. In the end, he just settled for saying the first thought that crossed his mind out loud. 

"Are we not picking berries today?"

Changbin stopped for a moment, contemplating how to answer and in the end just shrugged it off. "We only really harvest every other day, just to make sure there are always enough supplies on hand to feed everyone for a day or two with that disgusting vitamin mash. Also, it's so that the plants all have time to grow back and everything. On other days we just take care of the plants. We always just take what we need. Someone is precisely calculating the amounts and gives us our instructions every morning", he explained finally. His hands were busy feeling for dried up leaves, he only occasionally glanced over at Felix out of the corner off his eyes. The boy had stopped working completely and was just staring at Changbin.

"They put those berries in the mash too? But they are so bright red and the food isn't... any colour at all? What do they even do to the berries to turn them into... that?", Felix asked in surprise. He honestly couldn't imagine what treatment the blood red fruits had to go through to turn into the mash he was served two, sometimes even three, times a day. Changbin laughed and somehow the sound wasn't anywhere close to the deep rough laugh Felix had expected. Changbin's laugh was in a way gentle. He actually made a soft  _haha_ kind of sound.

"They boil them until there is barely anything left of the colour. Or the taste. Just like they do with pretty much any other food here. It's not about being tasty but about getting the most out of it or whatever. If you pick the berries and eat them fresh off the bush they are actually really sweet. Wait a moment, you have to try this, maybe the only good food you can get in here." Changbin started searching through the leaves of the bush again but this time he wasn't aiming for any that had dried up. A moment later he pulled his hand out again, proudly presenting a red berry that he was holding between his thumb and his index finger. "Here, open your mouth", Changbin demanded. Felix was too perplexed to protest or even reply anything at all, mouth already hanging open in surprise without him having to do anything. Changbin took his chance to quickly push the berry past Felix's lips. He nearly choked, almost swallowing the berry whole and getting it stuck in his throat. Changbin laughed while he wiped his fingers clean on his pants. Felix would have protested but that very moment the taste hit him with an intensity, that he had not expected. Felix had never tasted anything quite like that. Even the apple juice that he had always loved so much for its fresh flavour seemed bland in comparison to the sour and yet sweet taste of the berry melting onto his tongue. If red had a taste it would be just like that, intense, sweet but sour in the aftertaste, leaving your tongue tingling and craving for more. Felix entire mind was filled up with red. He looked at Changbin, eyes wide opened. The other boy just smiled at him. Softly.

"They taste really sweet, right?"

 

For maybe the twentieth time Felix licked over his lips nervously. The sweet aftertaste of berry juice still seemed to be lingering on them, even though he knew that realistically there should be nothing left of it. And he feared that the red stains were still visible on his lips. Just like the small telltale spot of red on Changbin's thumb that was awfully obvious once you knew where it was. Changbin and Chris were walking in front of Felix and Seungmin had quietly joined their group as well. They were on their way to get lunch. Since there was no canteen on the level with the fields and gardens they had to walk down a couple of levels to get to the closest one. And they actually stopped on the level that Felix had memorised earlier this morning. He felt incredibly tense and nervous even though he didn't know what exactly was causing these feelings. But he had an inkling something important was going to happen. His hands were so sweaty that he was afraid his tray would just slip out of them while the four of them were queuing up.

Almost mechanically the boy held the bar code that was inked onto his wrist in the green light of the laser detecting it and waited for the beeping. Exactly five seconds later the irritating noise sounded from the machine and at the same moment, he first started paying attention to the man standing behind the counter. Woojin was giving him one of his warm smiles while he poured a couple spoons full of mash onto Felix's plate. After that, he put down a glass of water and a small bowl next to it.

"Take the pills first", he reminded him and at the same time winked at Felix almost comically. The bowl he had given him along with his meal was empty. Felix thanked him quickly and then hurried to join the other three who were walking towards a table in the corner of the room. Out of the corner of his eye, Felix had spotted Jeongin and Hyunjin sitting on a table more in the middle of the room and he had almost walked up to them instead. But Changbin quickly grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him away from them discretely.

"It would be suspicious for us to sit down with the programmers", he whispered and Felix nodded silently. He hadn't thought about it again. But outside of their hiding places, he was not supposed to be friends with Hyunjin and Jeongin. If it weren't for Stray Kids he would have probably never spoken a word with them. So he sat down at a table across the room with the other three. Maybe five minutes later Minho sat down at their table without any word of greeting. By now the room had filled up, most seats were occupied so someone sitting down with a group didn't really cause any suspicion. They might have just been a bunch of people ending up next to each other for lack of an alternative to sitting anywhere else. All of them quietly ate their mash, waiting for Chris to give them some kind of sign. He threw a quick glance over his shoulder to check if the guard standing closest to their table was paying them any attention. He wasn't really. Just let his eyes wander over the tables, seeming rather bored as he did so. Chris turned to the group again after he was sure, that they weren't being watched.

"So, now that all of us are gathered here let me just tell you the date for our next meeting", he spoke in a hushed voice and yet he wasn't really whispering. Sticking their heads together and whisper secrets into each other's ears would probably be a reason for suspicion. So instead Chris spoke in a soft murmur and everyone else was on the edge of their seats to not miss a word.

"What about Jisung?", Felix asked and immediately four pairs of eyes were looking at him. The same expression in all of them. The kind of look that you give a child that has just asked a difficult question even though it is not yet able to fully comprehend the real answer. So you think about how to make reality sound prettier than it is. Or you just give the child a fake smile along with the words  _I'll explain when you are older._ But Felix actually got an answer from Chris.

"Jisung is working all the way down, in one of the lowest levels. He's working in the laundry rooms. He was put in special education for difficult cases for a while before they apparently just decided to give up on shaping him into a proper member of the system entirely. So they trapped him somewhere underground and put him to work early. I met him when I was sent all the way down because I managed to get my uniform too dirty while working and was told to get it washed right away. Even though he had always been so far away from the light and forced to do some of the most agonizing work he was smiling at me so brightly when I got there. And then we kind of got talking. But yeah, Jisung can't really join us for meals or stuff like that a lot. Even when he's not working it would be weird for him to climb up so many levels to get food here instead of all the way down", Chris explained through gritted teeth. Felix saved the information, stored it in his mind safely to not forget about it.

So this had been where it all really started. One day a field worker dreaming of the sun had stumbled upon a boy hidden away in the laundry room, buried deep underground. A boy whose honest smile and cheerful personality had turned him into a flaw in a system. Punished and locked away for his inability to fit in. Maybe that encounter had been the first crack in a glass dome casting fake clouds over reality.

"He helps me sneak the notes into your uniforms. You know, puts them in there and then I just make sure that I'm the idiot who has to walk all the way down to pick up fresh laundry for the students", Minho explained. He continued stirring around in his mash, not even looking at Felix while he was talking. As if he was just making a comment about the food, or something equally bland and normal. Felix saved the information without commenting on it and Chris spoke up again.

"Tonight. Minho, are you going to pick up Felix and Seungmin and get them downstairs with you?"

Minho didn't reply but he drew another circle into his mash. Apparently, that was enough for Chris. He nodded contently and then casually let a note slip out of his sleeve and onto his tray before suddenly getting up and pushing back his chair with a noticeable squeak. He grabbed his tray, making his way over to where they were supposed to drop off their trays after eating. The other four followed him one by one as if he had pulled on a string. Felix jumped up as well, almost sending his chair crashing to the ground in the process.

While he followed the other guys out of the canteen he watched Hyunjin and Jeongin get up out of the corner of his eyes. The two were carrying their trays over to where Felix's group had just dropped theirs off, apparently chatting about something in a rather animated fashion. They stopped for a moment to talk while Hyunjin was putting his tray away, spending a little longer than would have been necessary. The last thing Felix saw before he left the room was how Hyunjin very quickly picked up a small piece of paper from another tray and slid it into the breast pocket of his uniform.


	6. Hellevator

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, I'm still alive, here we go^^  
> The next chapter is actually going to be the last one (shit will go down and there will be angst) and after that there will be a shorter epilogue kind of thing, so we almost made it!

" _I’m trying to look for an exit_  
Take myself out from being trapped in the darkness  
I’m fighting harder, run away from this place"

~  
  


This time there were two figures in front of Felix instead of just one. He had already expected them to show up sooner or later. Had been nervously peeking out from under his blanket for maybe an hour already. Minho didn't say a word, he just tossed a bundle of fabric at Felix with a sly grin on his face. This time Felix caught it effortlessly, grinning back at Minho and even proudly puffing up his chest a little. Minho acknowledging nodded at him, smile still tugging at the corners of his mouth. Seungmin, whose head was peeking through the half-opened door right next to Minho's, watched their whole exchange quietly and with a look of confusion on his face. Then again, it could've also been curiosity that made him look back and forth between the two boys with wide eyes. Or a general feeling of nervousness. The same feeling all of them shared. And yet here they were, joking around, tossing clothes and ready to mock each other for not catching. Maybe acting silly like this was the only thing keeping them all from losing their minds.

Felix waited for the other two to turn around again so he could change his clothes without being stared at but they continued standing in the doorway completely unfazed. They also weren't really directly looking at him, but it still made Felix feel somewhat uncomfortable. Despite the fact that actually he should be used to someone watching him while changing. After all, he didn't have much privacy either way and health checks were conducted regularly and usually required him to get undressed in front of a doctor and maybe also a couple of his assistants, looking at his body from every uncomfortably close angle while ticking off boxes on their clipboards. And so far the whole thing had never really bothered Felix. But recently a lot of things that used to not faze him at all had started to become weird for him. Feelings that had always been foreign and far away suddenly were very much omnipresent. Everything was upside down and yet it was exactly the way it was supposed to be.

At least the other two were too distracted to watch Felix closely while he quickly slipped out of his clothes and into the uniform Minho had thrown at him. Seungmin appeared somewhat nervous. Constantly shifting his weight back and forth on his feet and fiddling with his hands. Minho, on the other hand, seemed downright paranoid. He kept throwing quick glances over his shoulder to make sure that there was no one else on the hallway who might catch them sneaking out. When Felix gently tapped his shoulder to tell him that he had changed and was ready to leave, he flinched. Before Felix could ask him whether everything was alright he had already turned around and started walking. Felix threw Seungmin a questioning glance but the other boy just shrugged before he hurried to catch up with Minho, Felix followed them. But not without turning around once more to make sure that his door was closed as far as possible.

Maybe they really were all feeling the same thing.

 

On their way down no one spoke a word. Minho was walking down the stairs at a pace and with a sense of direction that made it hard for Felix and Seungmin to keep up with him. But neither of them dared to complain about it or ask him to go a little slower. Seungmin was directly behind Minho, doing his best not to fall behind and also not fall down the stairs. He had one hand stretched out as if he was trying to play tag with Minho. He never managed to really get him though, always a step away from catching him. Felix was the last one yet again. Even though he did his best to keep up he somehow always was a few stairs behind the other two. By now his steps had become so much more secure, even though he had just been given a few chances to get used to the tricky stairs. But somehow, Felix already preferred this small staircase to the big public ones with their bright lamps and the white steps that hundreds of feet walked up and down every day. The distributor stairs felt like their little secret. Maybe one of the only places in District Nine where the sun ever truly sank. The only place where it was actually somewhat dark. The air in here got colder the further down you got. Maybe if they were to follow the stairs all the way down they would land at the bottom of this place. Level zero, the basement. Nothing but storage and laundry rooms. Somewhere down there, buried way too deep underground, where everything was cold and dark, Han Jisung spent his days. The thought made a shiver run down Felix's spine. It was a miracle that Jisung's smile hadn't lost any of its brightness down there. Jisung was like the personification of the resistance. Trapped underground because he had been declared an error in the system and yet he had never given up his hopes of seeing the sun one day. He was the soft glow of real light in pitch black darkness. Like a candle that was somehow withstanding a raging storm. Not to be blown out.

What was Felix even compared to all of that? What did he do to deserve his place in this group? What did he have that he could offer them? They already presented him with an almost complete plan and all he did was agree to come along for the ride. He had spent most of his life comfortably on the higher levels. Maybe not really doing great in his classes but he still always managed to stay above average just enough to not be sorted out. In the end, it had just been his name that made him an outsider. And even that had been adjusted. Maybe he could have gotten used to it. Maybe he would have forgotten his own name at some point. Maybe he could have become Lee Yongbok and not cause any trouble. If Changbin had come to talk to him just a week or so later, maybe Felix wouldn't have reacted to that name anymore. Alone he would have just become another number in the system. Lee Felix did never have any intention of becoming a rebel. He had just been turned into one by coincidence.

He looked at Seungmin and Minho who were already several steps ahead of him. If Felix didn't mess up counting the levels they had already passed then they must have almost reached level seven already. They would meet up with the others there. Level seven, unit ten. Minho's steps got slower the closer they got to it until he walked almost hesitantly. Completely different from how Felix was used to seeing him. Seungmin finally managed to catch up with him and touched his shoulder gently. Their game of tag had finally come to an end. Minho threw another frantic glance over his shoulder and only now Felix understood that he wasn't just a little more nervous about getting caught than usual. He was scared. Seungmin as well, if the shaking of his hand on Minho's shoulder was any way to tell.

None of them were born rebels. But rebelling against the system was their only way to find a way out of here.

 

There were still some of the other members missing when Seungmin, Minho and Felix entered their meeting room. So far only Chris, Changbin, Jisung and Woojin were there. Jeongin and Hyunjin were still absent, but after all those two had the longest way down. And since they were on their own they probably had to sneak around a lot more to use the official stairs undetected. Then again, there probably also had to be some kind of elevators in this whole complex somewhere. It would be reasonable for the higher-ups to have access to them. The other four that had already gathered in the room had apparently been in the middle of a conversation but stopped talking when the other three entered. Jisung was the first to jump up and greet everyone with an overly enthusiastic hug. As if they hadn't seen each other in ages. Felix had also started getting kind of used to the hugs. Somehow they all had their unique way of hugging each other. Jisung almost jumped at him and then nearly crushed him in his arms even though everything about him seemed so small and fragile. But when he went in for a hug it was bone crushing. Also, he usually kept rambling into his ear enthusiastically for the few seconds that the hug lasted. Woojin's hugs were strong but also gentle. He didn't crush Felix, just tightly pressed him to his chest quickly. The hugs Chris gave were fleeting and yet managed to give him a feeling of stability. Also, he had a habit of patting Felix on the shoulder while he was hugging him. Felix stopped when he got to Changbin and Changbin stopped as well. For a second that stretched out into eternity, they just stood and stared at each other. Changbin had hugged Minho and Seungmin without hesitation but now that he had gotten to Felix there was a contemplating look in his eyes. But he was smiling at him. That soft smile that Felix usually only got to see when they were in the middle of a maze of hedges. In the end, Felix was the one to lead the initiative and pull Changbin into a quick hug. In his head, he counted the seconds that he was holding him.  _One. Two. Three._ Then he let go. Changbin was still smiling. And somehow Felix was still not really getting behind what all those different hugs really meant.

Jeongin and Hyunjin joined them a few minutes later. Another round of hugs and greetings ensued. Hyunjin pinched Felix side while he hugged him and Felix ruffled Jeongin's hair because just like apparently everyone else in the group he couldn't help teasing their youngest. Jeongin pulled back with an exaggerated pout on his lips and pretended to be mad at Felix as he proceeded to pick the spot furthest away from him to sit down.

Felix had somehow ended up right next to Changbin, even though he could not remember having picked that spot on purpose. Well, he certainly wasn't complaining either way. It was just somewhat odd to him how even without actively noticing he was always drawn to Changbin, always tried to be close to him one way or another. Sitting down next to him had just happened naturally. And before he could really continue thinking about that Chris had already raised his voice ever so slightly to get their attention. He hadn't cleared his throat or made any other kind of noise to tell the others to be quiet. He had just opened his mouth and in the same second everyone else in the room had stopped talking.

"Before we get into this I want to quickly thank everyone for being here right now. I'm so grateful to have you all as a part of this group. I know we haven't really been together like that for long, but I can't imagine having any other team around me. You guys are the perfect group for this plan. I can't really explain it, but having you all here with me right now feels like I am in the right place for the first time in my life." Chris spoke in a hushed voice even though there probably wasn't anyone else around who could have eavesdropped on their conversation. And if there was, whispering would not be able to save them. But it made his words sound a lot more intimate. They weren't just a group of rebels. They were a family. 

"On the other hand...", Chris took a short break, bit his bottom lip and then took a deep breath before he continued speaking. "I know what we intend to do is very risky, maybe even suicidal. So I would fully understand if someone wants to get out of this whole ordeal now. Now is the last chance."

His words were followed by a surprised silence. The other eight glanced at each other, some of them shocked others just slightly confused. No one really knew what to reply to that. In the end, it was Woojin who spoke up first.

"I think I am speaking for all of us here if I'm saying that even if we wanted to we couldn't leave this group anymore. We belong together."

"Nine or none", Felix heard himself whisper. He had been the last link in this chain. He felt as if he had just joined them and yet he had been the one to complete the group. And even though he wasn't always sure that he actually deserved this position in their group he was now a part of the rebellion and there was no going back.

"We are Stray Kids and we stay together", Minho muttered. He was sitting on Felix's right. Just like the first time they had met he finished the sentence for him once again.

"Nine or none", Changbin repeated. He was on Felix's left. Somehow his hand found its way to Felix's hand while he was talking and their fingers interlaced almost casually.

"Cling together, swing together", Seungmin said with a shrug.

"Might as well go all the way now that we made it this far", Hyunjin added.

"I have already made my decision a long time ago, there is no way I'm going back", Jeongin threw in.

"Everything else is better than to be trapped down in the basement", Jisung finally admitted as the last one to affirm his loyalty. Chris looked at all of them for a moment, then he sighed.

"I was hoping that you would not say that. Then again, I don't think I would have expected any other kind of reaction from you guys. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have accepted anything else. But I still had to make sure. Nine or none, I really have not been wrong about anyone in this room. Well then, Hyunjin, Jeongin, go ahead and tell the other guys about what you have found out."

The two exchanged a silent glance and continued looking at each other while waving their hands around and shrugging as if they were in some sort of discussion about who of them was going to reveal the secret. The whole thing lasted for maybe ten seconds and not a single word was spoken but in the end, Hyunjin apparently decided to let Jeongin be the one to tell everyone else what they had found. His eyes were sparkling with an almost childlike kind of excitement. Felix had not seen anyone look like that in ages. There wasn't much in District Nine that deserved getting such an excited expression from someone. For children, it was usually their first evaluation that sparked that kind of reaction. In the beginning when they were just getting started on their education, too young to realise that there would not always be praise waiting for them at the end of an exam. And what it meant to suddenly no longer fulfil the requirements needed to label you standard at least. That even perfection at some point stopped being an impressive achievement and became the mere standard everyone was judged by. But Jeongin's eyes were sparkling as if his childhood had never been taken from him.

"We finally have a good idea of what the world on the outside actually looks like. And it is nothing like what you see on that glass dome. It's not as grey and dead as we are lead to believe and the grass also isn't all dried up, it's actually so... green and alive. The area right around the dome is a little dried up, but then there is this kind of fence thing and right behind it there are trees. You know like an actual full forest. And..."

"And when the trees can survive out there so can we", Chris finished his sentence for him. Like a faint rumble, whispering filled the room. The grip of Changbin's fingers around Felix's hand tightened ever so slightly, almost squeezing his hand, but it didn't even bother him a little bit. Actually, he was probably squeezing back just as much.

"So, how do we get outside to where the trees are?"

"Well, this is where things get a little complicated", Hyunjin said. Apparently, he was in charge of the less pleasant part. He had given the good news to Jeongin, now he was getting ready to tell the bad news. "The thing is, we did actually find a way we could possibly get out of here, but it won't be easy. There is a door on twentyfive-three that we assume belongs to some kind of old emergency escape system or something like that. It probably hasn't been in use for ages and there are also no official records of what exactly is behind it or what the purpose of it used to be. So we are also not sure what exactly our way outside looks like. All we know is that there is some kind of hallway we assume ends somewhere that leads up and outside. The area right around the dome is secured, you know, lights and alarms and all that stuff. Maybe a radius of fifty meters or so. Then there is that fence Jeongin described. It looks rather stable but not too high, so we can probably climb it. Oh yeah, and the door is obviously also locked, has an alarm and you can only open it with special access permissions."

The euphoria about the trees disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared. After Hyunjin's explanation, an awkward silence filled the room. Of course, they had known that it would not be that easy. They had all prepared to put up a fight if they needed to. But that sounded like something that was almost impossible to tackle.

"Is there any way you can hack into the alarm system", Chris asked factually. While most of them were looking at the problem they had been presented with, he was already looking for solutions. Jeongin shrugged.

"Well, we could try that, but it might take us weeks to hack in there and even then there is no guarantee that we could actually turn it off. The whole hacking thing is actually not as easy as we try to make it sound. Also the longer we stay here the higher are our chances of getting found out."

"So, would it be possible that you guys give one of us the special permissions required to unlock that door, like change our status or something like that?"

"That's sadly not an option either, we don't have the admin rights needed to change someone's status in the system. Also, someone would probably notice that right away as well." Just like Jeongin before him, Hyunjin just shrugged his shoulder. Chris put his forehead in wrinkles for a moment before his face suddenly smoothed and he grinned at both of them.

"That kind of sounds like you guys already figured something out. So let's hear it."

Jeongin and Hyunjin were grinning at each other again, apparently engaging in another silent discussion about who of them would be allowed to announce the answer to their riddle. In the end, the choice fell on Hyunjin.

"Well, I guess you won't really like this and it's also not the most elegant way of doing it, but we do have an idea. If we just shut down the whole system the alarm will of course also be turned off with it. So if we just pull the plug on the whole thing we have a small chance of doing something before the emergency power turns on. About thirty seconds or so I guess. And once that is one the alarm in the control room will also be turned on. After that, we still have another minute or so until the system is completely up and running again. If you guys manage to break open the door within those first thirty seconds you might make it outside before the alarm system is working again."

If the door had sounded like an insurmountable obstacle blocking their way the solution to this problem almost came too easy. He knew that there had to be some kind of hitch to it somewhere. Some problem that they had not yet noticed. Something that could go wrong with that plan.

"What about you two?", Chris asked. Hyunjin and Jeongin exchanged another glance then they both shrugged their shoulders at the same time. Jeongin spoke up.

"We'll just have to hurry a bit to catch up with you guys before they catch us. After we turned off everything up there we'll just have to run. You guys only need to leave the door open for us and wait for us to join you out in safety."

"There is no way I'm allowing this", Chris protested. "There has to be some other way to do that. There is no way you two make that in time. They will catch you before you can even get anywhere close to that door. I'm not allowing you two to sacrifice yourselves. That's insane. I'd rather stay trapped here for the rest of my life than leave some of you behind."

Silence. Chris had never raised his voice like that before. Had never really used his position as a leader of the group to yell at them and them what to do. But right now there was something downright terrifying about him.

"There just has to be some other way", he repeated, sounding a lot more frustrated this time. The voice of someone who already knew that there was no way but just wasn't willing to give up. He sounded broken. "And if I have to break that goddamn dome with my own hands. There has to be some other way I can get you all out without putting some of you in danger."

"Now that really is insane", Woojin said softly. He reached out his hand, reaching over Jisung who was sitting between Chris and himself as if he wanted to grab their leader by the shoulder to calm him down again. But in the end, he only placed his hand on Chris' knee gently while he turned his attention to the two programmers in training. "Is there anything we can do to buy you guys some more time?"

"Not without causing an alarm anywhere else and getting yourselves in danger too. But we have half a minute. If we can take the distributors stairs we'll probably be able to get a few levels down before they switch to reserve power and start turning on the system again."  
"I will go with them so they can use the quick stairs and all the shortcuts", Minho explained before anyone even got a chance to ask him. The strong tone of his voice did not allow any room for disagreements. Except for Minho neither of them really had access to all the stairs and other crawly spaces that helped them get around quickly. He was the only one who could help them get around undiscovered, especially at a time where the rest of them should actually all be sleeping.

"You have already decided this amongst yourselves, haven't you?" Chris sounded completely defeated. Hyunjin, Jeongin and Minho exchanged a few guilty looks. It was obvious that Chris had figured them out and they had no intention of hiding it. Then Minho spoke up again.

"We knew you probably wouldn't like it but there is no better way to do this and you know that we can't wait much longer. We've already been risking it way too hard."

"Who else knew about this plan?"

Three other hands were hesitantly raised after Chris' question, one after the other. Jisung had only timidly raised his hand to about the same height as his chest, he had been the first to move. Woojin next to him had lifted the hand that he had placed on Chris' knee earlier. He avoided looking at the eyes of their leader while raising his hand. Changbin was the last one, he just calmy lifted up his hand. Apparently, Seungmin and Felix had been the only ones aside from Chris to not be told about the whole plan. Maybe there just hadn't been a chance to tell them about it but the fact that he hadn't been included still made Felix feel a sort of sting. Had Changbin already known about all of this when they had been working on the field together earlier? Could he have told him then? And if he could have, why didn't he? Chris exhaled audibly.  
"So I guess I have been outnumbered here. There is nothing I can do, we are doing it. But, we are only doing it under one condition. I will go with you and Jeongin stays with the rest of the group. One of you guys has to be enough to shut down the system. Also, the rest will probably need some help with that door. We don't know how exactly that lock works and if there are any other special alarms built into it."

The youngest looked like he was about to protest that decision but immediately closed his mouth again when Chris looked at him sternly. Jeongin crossed his arms in front of his chest and pouted but maybe he was actually secretly thankful that Chris had forced him away from the dangerous task. He was neither the fastest nor the most stable on his feet and Felix had already watched him cling to the person in front of him a couple of times when they were all on the stairs together.

"Hyunjin, how soon can we act on this plan of yours?"

Chris had naturally assumed his position as the leader again, asked one question after the other and continued working on the plan that the others had come up with. Even though he had done everything to disagree with it just a moment ago. But he would follow what the others had already decided on. Maybe that was what made him their leader. Hyunjin tilted his head to the side and worried his bottom lip while he contemplated the question.

"Well, basically we could do it whenever, but I'll need about half an hour or so to prepare everything."

"Well then, half an hour it is. The rest of you prepare as well. Use this time to gather everything you think might be useful out there. We have no idea what's actually waiting for us so grab whatever you can carry. Remember that you still need to be able to move around quickly though."

Nodding, a few of them were already jumping up before Chris had even finished his sentence. Felix felt as if someone had suddenly tied a couple of weights to him that were dragging him down. Almost in a daze, he watched everyone around him get up and ready to leave to gather whatever they had. Suddenly everything was happening all at once. The moment that they had been waiting for who knows how long had come just like that. They would actually break out. Flee. Just like that. It was unbelievable.

Changbin next to him also got up slowly, freed his fingers from the death grip Felix had on his hand. His fingers brushed alongside Felix's arm while he got up, stopped at his shoulder for a second and then disappeared completely. As if Felix's body naturally followed the movement of Changbin's fingers he got up as well.

  
  
"There is something I've been meaning to ask you about", Felix muttered. Most of the others had already left the room or were busy splitting up into smaller groups to do whatever they had to do after they had agreed on a time and place to meet. Suddenly everything had happened so fast and maybe this was not the time for it but Felix felt that if he didn't go to ask Chris about this now there might not be another chance. Chris was still standing alone. In the middle of the room and yet somewhat separated from everyone else. He too seemed like he could need a moment to push everything else away for a bit. He nodded at Felix encouragingly, prompting him to ask his question.

"About Woojin and you", Felix explained hesitantly. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea to talk about this now. Maybe it was not a good idea to talk about this ever. He hadn't even really thought it through, wasn't sure what exactly he even wanted to know. But he just couldn't stand it anymore. There were so many questions filling up his mind, slowly driving him insane. And somehow it seemed as if Chris knew the answer to every single one of them. Even the questions that Felix himself had not been able to properly put in words yet. The questions he didn't even know he had. 

"Oh, does it confuse you. I'm sure you've never actually seen two people... yeah. I guess it was a little weird for you to look at, huh?", Chris asked back. A slight smirk lingering on his lips. Felix was not sure how to best reply to it.

"Yes... No... I mean... I'm not sure."

"Okay, let me guess again. You actually do understand it and that is exactly why you are so confused about it."

Chris' smile had grown a bit softer. Looking at his words from a completely logical point of view they didn't make any sense at all. But for Felix, they had been exactly what he had needed to hear. He had understood. A while ago already, if he was being honest with himself. He had understood the differences. But somehow he had still not managed to figure out what exactly it all meant for him. It was so different. So completely different from everything he had been taught his entire life up until this point. And it was confusing. And maybe also a little bit frightening.

"I think you already figured it out for yourself, huh? Don't worry, it's alright. It's okay to be confused. But I think you know what to do. You should better hurry, I bet Changbin is already waiting for you."

Felix hadn't actually asked a question and Chris had not actually given him an answer. And yet he asked. And yet he replied. Felix gave Chris a quick thankful smile, trying to put all of the heavy gratitude weighing down on him into it and then he got moving. He needed to get to Changbin as quickly as possible. 

  
  
Felix found him in the middle of a maze of grey hedges, a red berry in his right hand that he was rolling between his fingers while seemingly contemplating something. Once he noticed Felix approaching him he raised his head and smiled at him. That special smile. He held up the berry to show it to Felix.

"Do you think we should also take a few of those with us? I'm not really sure. I mean sure, they have seeds in them so I guess we could plant them. But it would probably take some time for them to actually grow into a real bush that we could harvest. And even then we'd only get these very small berries and I don't know how nutritious these really are and all that, you know? Maybe it won't really be worth taking them."

Changbin shrugged his shoulders as if it didn't matter at all, lowering the hand in which he was holding the berry slowly. Felix had stopped right in front of him.

"Once we are out there and free we will have all the time in the world to wait for the berries to grow. Let's take a couple of them with us, they are maybe the only thing from in here I'll really miss. They taste so sweet. And once we are out we can eat them however we want to. Just pick them fresh of the bush when they are ripe and eat them raw. No more grey mash that tastes like nothing. They'll always be colourful and tasty."

Changbin gave the berry in his hand another contemplating glance. He rolled it between his thumb and index finger, carefully not to crush it. But even with his gentle touches a bit of the juice was still coming out. His fingertips were stained red.

"That is a very bright future you are promising me, Lee Felix", he muttered. Then he pushed the berry into his mouth almost gently, lips just slightly parting to make way for it. He left them like that, a curious glimmer in his eyes, head tilted to the side just a little. In the next moment, Felix buried his hands in Changbin's hair and connected their lips. Changbin's mouth tasted sweet. At first, his lips had been open against Felix's mouth. A silent  _oh_ that he whispered into their first kiss. Then he reciprocated it. Carefully at first, as if he feared that him kissing back could make Felix back out even though he had been the one to initiate the kiss. But when Felix didn't pull back Changbin wrapped his arms around him. Pulled him even closer. Kissed him harder.   
It was a promise.


	7. 3rd Eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh, remember what I said in the beginning about how I didn't use archive warnings for a reason? Yeah, it's happening now, prepare yourselves.

_The light is too bright,  
_ _is this the reason why I can't wake up?_

~

  
Felix had filled up his pockets with berries and with every step he took, he feared that he would crush them by accident. His clothes and fingers were already sprinkled with small dots of red that didn't bother him at all. By now he actually started to like the colourful splatter. He wondered if there was a way to dye his clothes completely. He was so sick and tired of the blank white everywhere.

Changbin's fingertips were also dyed red and he had painted countless small dots all over Felix's body with them. And Felix had done the same to Changbin. His eyes were stuck on a small dot of red directly below Changbin's right ear. He had placed his thumb right on this spot when he had buried his hands in Changbin's hair to pull their faces together for a last kiss just now. After that, they had hurried to join the others. They hadn't stopped to talk about it. The second their lips first met each other they stopped communicating in spoken words. There had been only touches and soft looks between them for that way too short piece of eternity. They had not exchanged a word for maybe ten minutes after that first kiss. Only kissed time and time again. Hidden away in the middle of a maze made of hedges they had painted the world red. Felix had never felt so alive before. Never so close to the sky. A small beam of silvery moonlight had hit a patch of the grey grass like a spotlight, making it sparkle in a vibrant green. So alive. Felix could not wait to see a world completely illuminated by this light. A world where everything was alive and vibrant and glowing. And he would see it together with Changbin. And then he would tell him how he felt. Outside. When they were finally free. But right now he had to focus on even getting there at all. They would have to wait just a little bit longer. But then they would be together. And the whole world would be colourful.

Four figures were pressed together in the darkest corner they could find in the brightly lit hallway. The door they had gathered around didn't look any different from the other ones lining the wall down the hall. It was painted white, a small metal plate showed the room number. 25-03-18. The only thing setting it apart from all the other doors around was the fact that this one was closed. Locked to be precise. But on first glance, Felix could not make out any kind of keyhole nor any other way of opening it. When he took a couple more steps towards the group, he noticed that Jeongin was crouching in front of a fuse box – at least Felix assumed that it was something like that – that was built into the wall right next to it. He must have unscrewed the lid on it somehow to free a bunch of cables in different shades of grey mixed with a slight shade of colour. The ghost of the actual vibrant colours Felix had seen glimpses of. Seungmin and Jisung were curiously peering over his shoulder and handed him a tool from the small box at his feet every once in a while when he asked them to. Woojin was standing on the other side of the door, nervously eyeing the clock on the wall every other second. When he noticed Changbin and Felix he relaxed a little, but his eyes were still wildly jumping back and forth between the clock and the other boys.

"Where have you guys even been?", he asked in a hushed voice. Felix only shrugged his shoulders and tried to not let his eyes tell what exactly Changbin and he had been doing while Changbin next to him nonchalantly pointed to a small bag filled with roots and other vegetables that he had thrown over his shoulder. Woojin's eyes trailed over the red spots that were sprinkled over both of them but he didn't say anything about it. Just looked back and forth between the two once and then turned back to stare at the clock. Probably his thoughts were with Chris and the other two. If everything went according to plan they should have gotten to the highest control lever already. In a few minutes, the lights would be turned off. If nothing happened to the other three first that was. Where there even guards up there? Was it really that easy for them to get in as Hyunjin made it sound? What if someone caught them? Chris had told them not to worry but the whole plan had been put together so quickly. So desperately. There was so much that could go wrong with it.

Felix caught himself also throwing nervous glances at the clock. This had to be one of the older parts of District Nine, one that was barely used for anything but storage anymore. The clock on this wall still had mechanic hands and made subtle ticking noises that echoed loudly in the silence of the hall. Every other clock in District Nine was digital. Brightly glowing numbers that were a constant reminder of how little time was left. Time seemed to go by slower on this clock. Instead of aggressively blinking the whole time it was ticking one second at a time. The hands were moving almost painfully slow. Felix blindly reached for Changbin's hand and found it right next to him. He interlaced his fingers with the ones of his... yeah, what actually was Changbin to him? Friend? Lover? Companion? Was there a right word for it at all? To Felix, none of the options sounded grand enough to actually express what he was feeling. They would have to talk about it. Later. Maybe it wasn't even necessary for them to look for a word that fitted them. Soon they would be free and then they would never need to be categorised again. They could make their own words, their own terms for their own relationship.

Felix followed the clock hands with his eyes and waited for them to get to the time that Chris had told them. In his mind, he counted down the seconds. And he continued counting even after he had already gotten to zero. Started over from ten again just to be sure. Once. Twice. Every time he got to zero he closed his fingers a little tighter around Changbin's hand. Seungmin and Jisung were also holding onto each other while they nervously looked at Jeongin who was playing around with a tool in his hands. Woojin seemed equally as nervous but there was no one there whose hand he could hold onto. He had his hands clasped together tightly as if he was praying and stared up at the ceiling lamp right above him as if he could make it turn off through sheer force of will. But it continued shining down on him with no mercy.

The clock hands moved torturously slow and Felix had just gotten to zero for the fourth time. He was about to start over from ten again for the fifth time when he suddenly couldn't see the clock anymore. Actually, he couldn't see anything. It was pitch black around him. Felix had never experienced total darkness in his entire life so far, even with his eyes closed there had always been a little bit of light left that got through to him somehow. But now there was nothing. And maybe he would have been scared by that if it weren't for Changbin's fingers gently closing around his hand a little tighter. Woojin let out a silent curse. Jisung or maybe also Seungmin gasped for air. Thirty seconds. That was how long they now had to open that door. Maybe less. Somewhere a faint light was blinking. It took Felix a moment to realise that the source was a small tool in Jeongin's hand. The same tool he had been fiddling with earlier. Now it was giving off a soft glow while he hastily pulled on the cables he had freed earlier. The clock kept ticking. Felix could not see it anymore, but he could still hear the sounds in the eery silence. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick... Suddenly the seconds seemed to pass way too quickly. Thirty seconds was far too little time to do this. How much was left right now? Twenty? Maybe only ten?

A click.

"Open it, open it", Jeongin urged them. Felix stretched his hand out for the door handle but instead touched another hand. Maybe Woojin's. He pulled back his own hand instinctively and in the same moment, he heard another click as the door was pulled open. Just like that.

Somehow Felix had imagined the whole thing a lot more dramatic. With loud banging and explosions. But in the end, the door had opened up so easily. As if it had waited for them to come along. Jeongin pushed his way through first and used his little lamp to light the way for the rest of them. Seungmin and Jisung stumbled through right after him. Changbin pulled on Felix's hand and they both went through the doorway at the same time, shoulder colliding as their bodies were squeezed together to push both of them through the opening at once. Woojin was the last one to follow them. The second he set foot into the small corridor the lights suddenly turned on again.

"Emergency lights, they are turning the system back on. The guards are probably already on their way to check what's going on", Jeongin explained without stopping. The lights on the ceiling were flickering and the grey walls seemed to crumble around them. Jeongin continued walking straight ahead completely unfazed. There was no other way they could have gone.

"Innie, you are a damn genius", Jisung exclaimed. He looked like he wanted to pull the youngest into a hug right then and there but that would have to wait until they were out of danger.

"There has to be some sort of ladder or hidden staircase around here somewhere", Jeongin spoke with his head turned back over his shoulder while he continued hurrying forward. The others followed him down the hall. Felix was still holding onto Changbin's hand tightly and counted the seconds in his head. What did they say how long it would take for the system to be back up? Around a minute? And what would happen then? He wondered where the other half of their group was right now.

The emergency light was a lot more dimmed down than the usual bright neon tubes and Felix could only see the others as vague shadowy figures. Even though Jisung who was right in front of him could not have been more than an arm's length ahead of him. That's why Felix also almost collided with him when the boy in front of him suddenly stopped.

Felix tiptoed to be able to look over the heads of those in front of him. Illuminated by Jeongin's little light he could make out the rungs of a ladder that were attached to the wall in front of them. The ladder led up through a hole in the ceiling further up. All the way to the outside. Hopefully.

"I'm going first", he heard Woojin say from behind him. Without asking any questions Felix took a step to the side to let him through. The others did the same and they all watched how Woojin climbed the ladder first and then disappeared into the ceiling. While he climbed Felix noticed that he wasn't wearing his shoes anymore. He must have taken them off to use them as a doorstopper while no one else was paying attention. At least he had still been wearing them out in the hallway. While they had been rushing forward he had been looking back, leaving something behind to make sure the way was free for those who would follow them. The four remaining boys exchanged a glance questioning each other what to do. No one had an exact answer for that question. Then they followed Woojin one after the other. Felix was right behind Jisung and directly in front of Changbin who had gone last. The ladder went a lot higher than Felix had first thought it would. The walls were closing in on him, Felix felt as if he was stuck in some kind of tube, the light from down below was barely reaching him now, there was just enough to see the rungs of the ladder his hands were clinging to and Jisung's feet above his head. Jisung suddenly stopped climbing, Felix almost bumped his head into him. Apparently, they had all stopped. Above him, Felix could hear a creaking and grinding. Metal scratching against metal, like two cogs in a machine that had been standing still for so long that once familiar movement now caused sounds of protest. Silent cursing. Then a loud squeaking. And suddenly a light was cast onto him from above. A pale, silvery kind of light. Moonlight. Felix almost lost his grip with how fast he was training to climb up all the way and he almost tripped over Jisung when he finally lifted himself out into freedom.

It took him a couple of seconds to figure out his new surroundings and in that short moment a million different unfamiliar sights, scents and sensations came crashing down onto him. Even the air outside seemed to have a different taste to it than the one he had been breathing for all of his life. The first time he exhaled and inhaled again to fill his lungs with his first breath of air in freedom it tasted... fresh. There were foreign colours all around him. But the most impressive out of all of them was probably the sky above them that stretched out into infinity. It wasn't just the moon that was casting its pale light onto them. There were millions – maybe even more they were too many to count and maybe their number stretched out into infinity as well – small sparkling lights dotted around the moon. All of them were shining, some with more intensity than others. There was one particularly bright one that was hanging over the forest in the close distance.

Changbin had crawled out as well by now and while everyone else was staring up at the sky in awe, Felix watched the sparkling lights reflect in the dark pools of Changbin's eyes. He wanted to kiss him again right then and there. Or at least tell him how much he loved him. Because love it was. He had realised it just in that second. But a sudden noise cut him off.

Sirens. Loud wailing right behind them. The alarm had been triggered.

"Hurry, we don't have time to stand around right now", Woojin yelled over all the noise. He was waving his arms around to get the others to move forward. But he himself was looking back for another moment. Down into the hole that they had climbed out of. Probably hoping that someone else would come climbing out any moment. There was no one behind them. Yet.

They had not decided on a direction and yet when they started running they somehow all went the same way. Towards that one star that was shining the brightest out of all of them. That one bright light in the sky that had become their guide before they were even able to put a name to it. Felix had let go of Changbin's hand when they went to climb the ladder and the sirens had startled him before he had gotten a chance to grab for it again. After that everything had turned to chaos. The sirens were howling so loudly that he could barely hear his own thoughts. He was only focusing on running now, everything else would have to wait. He didn't dare look back. Didn't have to. Changbin had to be right behind him. He knew that. Something was banging loudly. Felix had never heard gunfire in his entire life before but he was sure that this was what it would sound like. Someone was screaming. Somewhere to his left. But with all the other noise around him, Felix could not put a name to the voice.

Sirens, screaming, banging.

Felix continued running blindly and with no sense of direction. He had almost crashed into the fence in front of him. He just barely managed to catch himself and stop. The small pause was probably the reason he also thought about pulling down his sleeves to cover his hands before he went and climbed over the fence. It was pointy at the top. His sleeves ripped while he pulled himself up but he barely noticed. Better the sleeves than the soft skin of his palms. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could make out some other figures briefly stopping before the fence and then climbing over it, some with the help of others lifting them up before following after them. And in the far distance, he saw three other figures running towards them from the direction of the dome. Felix turned their back on them once he was back on his feet and on the other side of the fence. He trusted that they would make it. He continued running ahead. Into the forest. Every step almost set him tumbling over some kind of rock or root in his way. Or he slipped on wet leaves and moss covering the soft ground under his feet. Sticks were breaking when he stopped on them. A few small animals that he passed anxiously jumped out of his way. Somewhere a bird was screaming. The sounds of the forest began slowly drowning out the sirens in the distance. Felix must have already managed to put a good distance between himself and the dome that used to trap him. He began slowing down his steps. Looked over his shoulder to search his surroundings for the other members of the group. There was no one behind him. With panic welling up in his chest he began spinning around himself to look in all directions but there was no one in sight.

Then he heard a cracking, like a stick breaking under someone's foot. Voices. Somewhere to his right. Felix almost stumbled over his own feet while he tried to follow the sounds as quickly as his legs would still carry him. He followed the voices blindly, heard them get louder until he suddenly found himself standing in the middle of a clearing. The moonlight was bright and unfiltered by the surrounding trees here so it perfectly illuminated the group of boys that had gathered here. Some of them were wrapped up in each other's arms, others were crouching on the floor, exhaustion taking over their body.

 _"Felix! There you are, I thought... what even happened to you?",_ Chris' voice carried over the mumbling around them while he stumbled towards Felix. He must have switched to English without even realising it when he had discovered Felix. Something seemed to be shocking him. Felix looked down himself in confusion. There was a big red stain on his chest. His clothes were uncomfortably sticking to his body. Felix slowly reached out a hand to touch the stain on his chest and marvelled at the way even a gentle touch painted his fingertips a bright crimson. The colour of fresh blood. He must have somehow managed to squash the berries he had put into his chest pocket earlier. So much for planting them together with Changbin.

"It's just the berries", he muttered absentmindedly while Chris pulled him into a tight hug, probably crushing what little had been left of the berries in Felix's pocket. Over Chris' shoulder, Felix could glance at the others surrounding them in an awkward half-circle. He counted them in his mind.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,..._

_No! Once more._ Chris had taken a step back. Felix barely registered that there was blood on his hands. Actual blood and not just berry juice. He must have hurt himself while climbing the fence. Felix counted once more.

 _One. Two. Three._  Minho and Seungmin were taking turns with hugging Jeongin as if they wanted to never let him go again.  _Four. Five._  Jisung was sitting on the ground breathing heavily, apparently still exhausted from all the running. Hyunjin sat down next to him and gently wrapped an arm around his shoulders.  _Six. Seven._ Woojin had walked up to where Chris and Felix were standing and wrapped his arms around their leader. This time Felix was actually certain that he did not want to ever let him go, though that sentiment extended a lot farther than just physically holding him. Counting Felix as well, they were eight in total.

"Where is Changbin?"

Woojin and Chris let go of each other to look at Felix, both of their faces filled with the surprise of a sudden realisation. Even though they weren't sure yet what kind of realisation it was.

"I thought he was right behind you", Woojin said in the same second that Chris asked: "Wasn't he at the front with you guys?"

The two exchanged shocked glances before they looked back at Felix.

"He was right behind me", he mumbled in a shaky voice. His whole body was trembling. He had been right behind him, hadn't he? He had been there the whole time.

"Maybe he just got lost in the forest on his way here, I'm sure he is looking for us", Woojin offered right away. Chris nodded hastily before he turned around to get the attention of the rest of the group.

"Listen up everyone, Changbin is still not here, who was the last one to see him?"

Everyone immediately let go of the person they were holding onto. Hyunjin and Jisung jumped up from the ground, a sudden jolt of energy even though they had looked like they were about to pass out just a moment ago. For a moment they all just looked at each other until Seungmin hesitantly raised his hand.

"He was right behind me when we climbed the fence. He lifted me over because I was struggling a little. I was sure that he climbed over right after that. I could have sworn that he was still behind me when we went into the forest."

"Okay, search the area everyone, he's got to be somewhere around here."

As soon as Chris had finished speaking everyone got moving. All of them in a different direction. Felix felt his legs giving in beneath him and he just allowed himself to sit down on the cold ground. Around him, he could hear the others scream for Changbin.

"I'll stay here, in case he finds the way by himself", he heard himself whisper. He could not bare going to look for Changbin. He just couldn't. The fear of not finding him was way too big. And the fear of maybe finding him after all was even bigger. To find him and discover that he was no longer...  _No! Don't even think that way._ Felix put his palms to the sides of his skull as if he wanted to squeeze the horrible thought out of it like juice from a berry. Chris patted his shoulder quickly.

"We will all come back here once we've found him."

Felix listened to their footsteps as they all walked away. He could hear their screams of Changbin's name echo through the forest. Birds were screeching. Dried sticks cracking under their feet like bones breaking. Just snapping in half.

He was looking up at the sky, suddenly the sparkling was only half as intense now that it no longer reflected in Changbin's eyes. And he started counting. He counted until the numbers became too big to put them into words that he could remember and then he started over from zero again. He counted the seconds that were passing along with his heartbeats while the sky above him slowly turned from a deep black to a softer grey-blue and then a majestic array of colours, ranging from dusky red and soft purple to gentle light blue. The sun had started to rise. In comparison to the moon, her light was warm and intense. The forest around Felix was wakened up from its slumber and slowly came to life. Leaves were rustling when small creatures climb up the trees to get as close to the rising sun as possible. Birds were singing. A soft breeze moved through the trees. Maybe it would have been a beautiful sight. But Felix closed his eyes to avoid the blinding sunlight. For a second he was back under the neon tubes. Too bright. Too blinding. Not where he was supposed to be.

From behind someone gently placed their hand on his shoulder. Felix turned his head and opened his eyes, blinking against the sunlight several times before he could make out that it was Chris. He was looking down on him with sad eyes. Without saying anything he shook his head. Felix understood.

There was still some dried up blood staining the hand that Chris was extending to him. Felix grabbed it nonetheless and allowed Chris to pull him onto his feet. And while the sun rose above their heads for the first time, Felix began to weep silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry.


	8. Young Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo here it is, the small epilogue to this story. I know that things got quite angsty with the end of the last chapter, but maybe this will be able to leave things on a slightly more positive note :')

_Even if I'm bad at it,  
_ _I like the word beginning_

 

~

Felix carefully felt around between the green leaves and scanned the bush for berries. It was still relatively small. After all, it had only been about a year since he had planted it, but there were already berries growing on the thin branches. They were small, perfectly round and sweet. So juicy that they already left red stains on Felix's fingers when he as much as brushed past them. They had not changed at all. But everything else around them was now different. The leaves of the bush were suddenly a vibrant green. No longer grey. And they grew wildly in every direction. Back then the hedges had seemed like walls to him. But this one lonely bush that he had grown from a handful of mashed berries in a clearing of the forest reached his branches into all directions eagerly. As if it wanted to reach out its arms to explore and touch all the life surrounding it. Felix never cut anything off. He didn't have to. When leaves dried up they just fell to the ground by themselves and the weak branches broke in the same way. All dropping and then rotting on the ground to turn into fresh soil that would give energy to the remaining parts of the bush.

Felix himself had also changed. The sun had made his hair lighter and his skin darker. And it had dotted his face with small spots. At first, he had not even noticed them himself. After all, it was rare for him to actually come by a mirror these days where he could get a clear reflection of his face. Jisung had been the first one to bring the dots to his attention. He had compared them to the stars. Later someone else had told them that they were actually called freckles and that the sun was causing them. Or something like that. But apparently, they had always been on Felix's skin. It had just taken some sunlight for them to actually bloom and become visible like this. Yet Jisung continued calling them his face stars completely unbothered by actual explanations. Felix had found a more fitting comparison for himself though. They were sprinkles of red berry juice. Fingerprints that another hand had painted onto his face with loving touches. But he kept that comparison to himself. The others always reacted so... cautiously when Felix as much as mentioned Changbin's name. As if he had dropped a glass and the others now had to tiptoe around the shards carefully.

They had not found Changbin in that night. Not a trace of him even though they had searched the whole forest, turning over everything they could. It was almost as if he had never really been there to begin with. Minho and Seungmin had even walked back to the edge of the forest, dangerously close to the dome, to look for any trace of their lost friend there. But they had also returned empty-handed. Felix had only been told about all of this days after it happened. Apparently, he had more or less broken down after Chris had picked him up. Not physically. But his mind had just completely turned off, leaving his body on autopilot. He still remembered being dragged through the forest by Chris. He had clung to his hand as if his life depended on it. And after that, the same thing seemed to repeat again and again. Felix was clinging to someone's hand and followed the others that dragged him along. He barely noticed his surroundings. He remembers them talking to him again and again. But he had never been able to reply anything. Even when he had opened his mouth, not a sound had escaped him. He did try, but the words had always gotten stuck in his throat, trying to choke him.

Felix could not really say anymore how many days it had been. But one morning he had woken up feeling thirsty so he had asked Jeongin – the closest person in sight at the time – for a sip of water. The younger had immediately pulled him into a tight hug and started crying.

After that things had started to get better but also worse. The others had become incredibly cautious around him. Even though they were grieving over Changbin just as much, they were all busy trying to console Felix. Even though they had known him longer. Had probably been closer to him. Had made more memories. And yet they all treated Felix's loss as if it was somehow more significant. Worse, more tragic and more painful than what the rest of them were feeling. Felix himself wasn't too sure about that. Then again, it had also taken him quite a while to even realise his loss at all.

Sometimes he wondered whether he had really been killed or just simply caught by someone. If maybe they had dragged him back down under the dome to trap him under a fake sky once again. Sometimes he wondered which of these options was truly worse.

Every once in a while he walked a bit further away than he was supposed to. Until he was almost at the fence that surrounded the dome above District Nine. The others kept telling him that he should better stay away from there and yet they never really did anything to stop him from venturing out into the woods to go there. And he kept going back.

They had met other people outside. Other rebels like them that had already broken out and found a place for themselves out here a long time ago. They had told them about the building of the domes and the Districts. And about the great disaster that had happened decades ago. So long ago that not even the eldest among them could really remember it. Back then evacuation had been the only option. Back then the domes had been a safe haven in the tempest. Apparently, there were several more of these domes scattered across the land. A few had already been shut down and abolished years ago when the outside world was yet again declared inhabitable. But in other domes, the inhabitants had not been told about that. Because life under the dome was so much easier. Especially for those that had suddenly been put into a position of power that they would lose if everyone was to leave the dome again. District Nine had been one of those facilities. One where the powerful had kept the truth hidden away because they liked the control that was suddenly in the palm of their hands. Sometimes Felix wondered how many of them actually knew the truth. How many were suspecting it? How many others had there been that were dreaming of sunshine and freedom? Ever since Felix had found out that there were others thinking alike him he kept thinking about how many other small rebellions might have been happening around them without them noticing it at all. How many more with a similar mindset had there been in District Nine? How many of them could have taken his place?

But he spent even more time thinking about Changbin. At first, the thoughts had been painful. They had kept him up at night and even if he managed to fall asleep there had only been nightmares waiting for him. Scenarios where he was running through a neverending maze of grey walls, looking for Changbin but never finding him. And he still had not told him. The way that would lead them out of the maze. The secret to freeing themselves.

But at some point, it had stopped hurting. It had been a slow but gradual process. He had not simply woken up one morning with not nightmares at all haunting him anymore. But they had gotten less over time. A couple of days without bad dreams had turned into sometimes weeks. And at some point, the memories had started to give him comfort instead of pain. The more he was looking for Changbin the more he found him. He found him in patches of grass that were illuminated by the pale moonlight. He found him in the sparkling stars reflecting on the surface of a motionless lake. He found him in the red flowers that dotted a green field. And he found him the most in his little bush that was eagerly stretching out his arms for him.

 

Felix looked up at the sky. The sun was already disappearing behind the trees. It was time for him to get back or the others would worry about his whereabouts. He picked the few berries that were already ripe enough and put them into his pockets. Maybe he would share them with the rest of the group later.

At first, they had tried to stop him from planting them here in the middle of the forest. They said that it was far too dangerous to go here. And the berries might not be able to grow here after all. Some animal could come and trample the bush or eat it away while it's still growing. And so on and so forth. But they had still always let him go take care of his little berry bush in the end. At first, there had always been someone coming here together with Felix to make sure that he was safe. Mostly Jisung or Seungmin. But at some point, they had given up on that as well and let him go alone. They wouldn't have been able to hold him back either way. And once the first berries had actually grown on his small bush he had started bringing them back with him. And he had let the others try them. Hyunjin, Jeongin and Jisung had actually never tasted the berries fresh of the bush before and they had been just as surprised as Felix had been when he first got a taste of what they were actually like. It was baffling how something so sweet and colourful had been able to survive in such a cold and grey world.

Absentmindedly he took one of the berries from his chest pocket and raised it up to his lips while he started walking back towards where they had set up camp. The berry juice left a red stain on his fingertips and maybe also his lips.

 _They taste really sweet, right?_ He heard Changbin's voice whisper in his mind. Felix nodded in reply. In the beginning, he had also replied verbally and pretty much talked to himself. But once he had noticed the pitiful glances whenever he softly whispered his replies into thin air he had started replying in his head as well.

_They are sweet because they have the same taste as your lips._

Changbin's deep laughter echoed in Felix's thoughts. He had decided to save the words until both of them were free. So, in the end, he had never gotten a chance to tell him at all. But he had repeated the words in his head like a mantra. The confession he had never made. But probably he had known it either way.

Changbin was gone. Disappeared. Away. Forever. And yet he wasn't. It had always been nine or none. They were Stray Kids. They would stay together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you very much to everyone who has made it this far, I appreciate you sticking with this story and reading it to the end a lot. I hope you have enjoyed it!  
> Also (not to get anyone's hopes up but) I might consider revisiting this AU at some point. It might not happen soon if it will even happen at all but if there is a high enough demand I might consider writing something like a sequel. After all, I have never fully confirmed Changbin's death sooo...  
> But yeah, even if that ever happens it might take a while because I have other projects to take care of before that. Other fanfics as well as irl projects (including my bachelor's thesis, lmao). But yeah, stay tuned maybe? If not for this then at least for my other Stray Kids fanfics because I sure won't ever stop writing about my children^^

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it please consider leaving a comment :3  
> Send me hate on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/writteninspring) or follow me on [tumblr](https://spriingflower.tumblr.com/) or [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/iamspringflower/) if you want to.  
> 


End file.
